The Eye of the Tiger
by Aspiring Author 2
Summary: An alternate version of the Jesse Hawkes pilot.
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm new to this area, but not to the fandom. Unfortunately though, I haven't kept up with it as much as I would have liked(but my adoration for CC, continues on). After some serious web searching, I was able to find an awesome group of new friends who were kind enough to help me sort out some of the details. I was also able to obtain copies of the episodes that revived the rest of those dormant memories. So, after adding my own ideas, I was able come up with this story. **_

**_It's a different take on the pilot of Jesse Hawkes, one that I haven't seen done before. It will contain many of the details from that episode, including some actual scenes and dialogue, rewritten of course, and spiral off into it's own alternate universe from there._**

**_Chapter 1_**

The sky was clear, a perfect shade of blue on the afternoon of May 3, 1988. Frank smiled to himself as he turned the plane to the right. The joke Jim rattled off not more than ten minutes ago, playing over in his head. Bad taste, no punchline....

A flash of gold caught his peripheral vision and he turned his head over his right shoulder. It was immediately followed by a mushroom of smoke. "What the hell?", he murmured under his breath, taking the plane down slightly, for a closer look. He checked his coordinates over the blazing ground below him.

"Shit".

"Flying Tiger, this is White Eagle, do you read me?". Frank paused, giving Matt a chance to respond. When he didn't, Frank tried again, "I repeat. Flying Tiger, this is White Eagle....Do you read me?". He voice took on a desperate tone when he tried to reach his other two team members and got the same response.

Nothing.

He took the plane down farther, just teetering on a safe altitude, but couldn't see anything from that vantage point. There was far too much smoke. "High Mountain Ranger base, this is White Eagle. Copy?".

"Frostbite here. Go ahead White Eagle", Robin responded.

The cheerfulness of her voice made Frank flinch, as did the realization that the problem wasn't with his radio. "Do you have confirmation that target was acquired?".

"Negative White Eagle", she answered evenly, "The last transmit was three minutes ago, from Flying Tiger, stating they were moving in". The silence on the other end of the radio concerned Robin. "Why Frank, is there a problem?".

Frank couldn't hold back any longer, his friends could be in trouble. "I lost contact with...".

"Hang tight White Eagle, we're checking status now", Robin cut in, waving Izzy over the desk. Cody's head whipped up from the book he was reading. Something was wrong. He jumped from the couch he was sitting on, while he was waiting for Matt to return, and rushed over to the command center.

"That may not be our only problem Frostbite", Frank trudged gently.

"It's Izzy, Frank. Robin switched radios and is calling Matt now".

Robin's eyes flickered up to meet Cody's. "Flying Tiger, this is Frostbite. Do you read me?", she tried again.

Dread began to settle in the pit of Cody's stomach. He watched as Robin tried to contact his brother yet again. "C'mon Matt", he muttered softly, silently praying he'd hear his brother's voice come over that radio.

"Iz? I'm directly over our intended target", Frank called out in desperation, "the whole area's ingulfed in flames. I think there was an explosion...".

That was all Cody needed to hear and he was out the door, the keys to Matt's truck in his hand. He raced up the mountain as far as the road would take him, then made the rest of the trip on foot. He arrived at the cabin in record time, nearly taking the door off the hinges as he barreled in.

"Cody?", Jesse asked as he turned to see his breathless son, standing before him. "Son, who lit a fire under your...".

"Dad", the boy interrupted anxiously, "I think Matt's in trouble".

* * *

**_Not a swashbuckling start, but a start non the less. These first few chapters will contain the "missing scenes" from the pilot, and may start off a little "slow". But, they will pick up in both subject matter and length as we go on. Oh, and sorry for the lame title, unfortunately you can take the girl out of the 80's, but not the 80's out of the girl!_**

**_All feedback is welcome, and thank you in advance for reading._**

**_~Missy~_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2_**

By the time Jesse and Cody arrived back at the ranger station, it was deserted. There was a note taped to the door, in Robin's writing, addressed to the two Hawkes men. '_Gone to site. Stay here, will contact using channel 2'._

"The hell I will", Jesse grumbled as he angrily ripped the note from the door and pushed his way into the office. "Cody, where did you say this mission was?", he asked, ambling up to the wall map for a better look.

"I didn't Dad", Cody replied with a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes. "Matt said it was classified, only he, Hart, Cutler and Frank knew about it".

"That's bullshit", Jesse spat, "If all communication was lost, then how the hell did Robin and Izzy know where to...".

"From Frank Dad", Cody cut in, as he stepped next to Jesse and put a sympathetic hand on his fathers shoulder. It was obvious the man was was worried, or he would have remembered that Frank was the one who radioed in the distress call. Jesse shrugged off Cody's attempt at comfort, and moved over to the desk, where he began shuffling through a bunch of papers. "Dad", Cody called, cautiously inching closer, "Robin said they'd contact us. They know were here, and as soon as they know anything, they'll...".

Jesse stopped and looked up at his youngest. "And what are supposed to do until then, just sit here and wait?", he asked incredulously.

Cody glanced down at the floor and shrugged. "Yeah", he offered softly, bringing his eyes up to meet his fathers, "and pray".

Jesse didn't reply, he just took his concerned son into his arms, and embraced him.

* * *

Robin and Izzy arrived on scene not long after EMS. Neither of them were prepared for what they saw.

They quickly caught up to Frank, who was standing watch over two paramedics trying to resuscitate Hart. Robin dropped to her knees beside them. She could overhear Frank explaining to Izzy, what authorities told him, had happened."The whole place was booby-trapped, set to go off as soon as anyone got within fifty feet".

"How long has he been down Pete?", Robin asked the head EMT anxiously.

"Goin' on ten minutes now and probably thirty before that", he answered breathlessly as he pumped hard on Tim's chest. His eyes met with Frank's to confirm how long the ranger had been in the same position he now was, working on his friend. "We're gonna have to call it soon".

Izzy lowered his head solemnly and swallowed hard before finding the courage to ask, "What about Jim and Matt?".

Robin whipped her head up, her tear-filled eyes, pleading. Frank had to look away. "Cutler didn't make it", he announced regretfully, his gazed traveling to his left, where the body of their fallen comrade lay covered with a black tarp."And they're working on Matt now".

Robin jumped to her feet. "Where is he?", she implored.

"In the brush over there", Frank stated, motioning over to where Matt lay. Robin immediately took off in that direction. "Robin?". Frank caught hold of her arm. She turned to face him, her eyes blazing as if daring him to try and stop her. "It's bad", he tried to warn her, but she was already gone.

Within seconds Robin was by Matt's side. "What's his condition?", she asked shakily.

The paramedic who was tending to Matt looked up, and noting the ranger suit Robin was wearing, said, "He's critical, and borderline unstable. We've got to get him out of here now". Robin froze, watching in fear as the two men finished strapping an unconscious Matt to a backboard.

"Tahoe General, this is Unit 110 notifying a transport".

"This is Tahoe General. Go ahead 110".

"We have an approximately 25 year old male...".

"He's 23", Robin cut in quietly.

The paramedic flashed her a sympathetic look, then continued. "We have a 23 year old male, involved in a blast explosion. No visible signs of injury aside from some minor abrasions. Unresponsive at the scene, possible closed head and neck trauma. Spinal precautions taken. BP is 79 over 50 and pulse is weak, but resps are okay".

"What's you ETA 110?".

"About 40 minutes".

"Okayed for transport. We'll be waiting for you 110. Out.".

The paramedics wasted no time in getting Matt situated for transport. Robin snapped out of her initial shock enough to ask, "What were you saying back there about possible closed head and neck trauma?".

"Well, when we got here, he was totally unresponsive to any stimuli and twisted in a rather awkward position. And he seems to have rolled down this hill quite a bit", he explained, pointing over to the path in the dirt that Matt must have made. "It's better to err on the side of caution, right?"

Robin found herself nodding in agreement as the men moved in to load Matt into the back of the ambulance. "Can I go with him", she queried, her voice sounding desperate. "I'm a certified EMT with the High...".

"Sure", the paramedic conceded, giving Robin the okay. "But you'll have to ride up front with my partner". Robin agreed, she didn't care where she was, just as long as it was near Matt.

* * *

The call came into the Ranger Station while Jesse was in the kitchen making some coffee. He had a feeling he was going to be needing it. "Cody?", he asked as he walked back into the office.

The boy let the CB receiver fall out of his hand, onto the the desk. He rose from the chair on shaky legs and turned to face his father. "It was an explosion", he explained slowly, as if the words hadn't yet processed in his own head. "Hart and Cutler are dead".

Jesse's heart started to race and his palms began to sweat, and it had nothing to do with the strong cup of coffee he had just downed. "And Matt?"

Cody swallowed the lump in his throat enough to answer, "Critical. They're taking him to Tahoe General".

Within seconds, both men were back in Matt's truck, heading into town.

* * *

**_Okay so here's where it starts getting a little AU. Aside from the fact that nothing in this chapter was ever seen in the actual pilot, the next will contain the 'Tahoe to San Francisco' scenes from the episode. And yes, I will be reformatting it to fit the story._**

**_I also wanted the mention minor change I made to Matt's outward appearance. I'm sorry, but there is no way that boy could have been blown up and tossed around like a rag doll, without sustaining some cuts, bruises, or abrasions. Plus, it adds to the overall angst._**

**_To all who read, and especially those who reviewed. Thank you for the wonderful comments and support. _**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

Jesse woke with a start and looked around the room. He stood up, glancing down at his oldest boy, lying on a hospital bed in the intensive care unit of Tahoe General, as he did. The visions of the dream he'd just had, clear in his mind; the words still echoing in his ears, _"Matt. Be careful"._

But this wasn't a dream.

"Morning Mr. Hawkes"

"Morning".

"It looks like he had a pretty rough night", the doctor stated looking down at Matt's chart. "He almost gave it up a couple times.

"Believe me, that's one thing he won't do; give it up". Jesse was adamant, and the doctor knew it. That's probably who the boy got his determination from. And he was definitely going to need that amount of determination, if he was to make it through what was yet to come.

"Yeah, I can see that", the doctor replied, forcing a small smile onto his face, and avoided any eye contact with the concerned father across from him, by glancing back down at the chart. "His vital signs have been stable for about two hours now...".

"What's that mean?".

"Well, I hope it means he over the initial shock", the doctor replied evenly. "If he can remain stable for the next few hours, I'm going to have him airlifted to San Francisco. They have the best trauma facilities in the area. I've already contacted them and have started Matt on the regimen they've deemed necessary for his type of injuries. They will be much better equipped to deal with those, then we are here". Jesse nodded and let the man continue. "In the mean time, we need to keep him heavily sedated so that he remains as still as possible, until they can better asses his condition". The doctor paused momentarily, and flashed Jesse another small smile out of politeness. "I'll check back in about an hour".

"Thank you doctor".

The doctor turned to leave just as the door opened and Cody walked through. "What'd he say?", the younger boy asked his father anxiously.

"He said your brothter's improving". It wasn't a total lie, and Jesse was hoping that his words came off more confident than he felt.

"Good", Cody sighed in relief. He glanced briefly at his brothers still form, then back up at his father. "Mike's outside, he wants to talk to you".

Cody waited for his father to leave the room before he dared sit down at Matt's side. The wall behind the bed was covered with monitors and machines that beeped and flashed. It was unnerving. Cody reached out to touch his brother, his hand hovering over Matt's for a second, before he found a small area on his wrist, not covered by tubes, bandages or tape. He choked back the tears and whispered softly, "I love you Matt".

* * *

The memorial service was hard. One of hardest things Jesse had ever had to do, but surprising to himself he felt blessed. Grateful that it wasn't his son lying in one of those boxes.

"Jesse?", a familiar female voice called out from behind him. He turned around to see Robin rushing toward him. They embraced.

"How's Matt doing?", she asked apprehensively. Jesse knew the young woman was quite enamored with his son, just as Matt was with her.

"No change", he replied steadily, "but his vitals are still stable".

Robin let out the breath she was holding in. She flashed him a smile that tried to cover up for the tears that were very close to pooling in her eyes again. She supposed she could blame it on the stress of the last two days, but it was very hard to keep her emotions in check whenever Matthew Hawkes was involved.

Izzy and Frank were only a few steps behind. "Thanks for coming Jesse", Avila called out, offering his hand out to the elder Hawkes.

"I wouldn't have missed it", he insisted. "But Cody was sorry he couldn't be here. I made him stay at the hospital with Matt in case...". All eyes were trained on Jesse, holding on to every word he said, and even those he didn't. Sad, worried, red-rimmed, eyes. Jesse sighed, "Which reminds me, I have to get back there".

He turned to leave, but this time it was Izzy's voice that stopped him in his tracks, "We were wondering if you'd mind us coming too".

That made Jesse chuckle slightly, "Why would I mind that?".

Izzy shrugged, "Well considering we just left there a few hours ago...".

"Are you kidding?", he asked incredulously and beckoned them to follow. "C'mon". A great feeling of pride swept over Jesse, that these three "kids", all older than his son, but all serving under him; held that much love and respect for the boy. "Hey Robin, ride with me", he offered once they'd reached the parking lot. They all turned and looked at him quizzically. "That way you can't report one of your trucks missing", he motioned over to Matt's truck and grinned, "if there's an actual ranger in it".

* * *

"Dad", Cody called when he spotted his father walking down the hospital corridor, and met up with him. "They're taking him now".

Jesse hurridly stepped into the room, Cody and the three remaining rangers, hot on his heels. There were dozens of people crowded around Matt, but there was only one face Jesse recognized, and that was that of the doctor who'd been caring for his son for the past 24 hours. "Dr. Reynolds?", he called out.

The physician waved and walked over to Jesse. "Mr. Hawkes, I was just going over itinerary with the flight nurse, and it looks like we'll be ready for transport in about ten minutes or so". Jesse nodded in understanding. "If you'd like some time with him, I believe they're almost done getting him ready". Jesse nodded again, this time in thanks, and moved over to Matt's side.

Most of the nonessential medical personnel cleared out of the room, the only people left were the doctor, a nurse, two orderlies, the flight crew, and Matt's family; both blood and not.

Cody moved next to his father, as the orderlies prepared to transfer Matt, already strapped to a backboard, from the bed to a waiting gurney. Frank and Izzy silently stepped forward to help. The gesture touched both Cody and Jesse deeply.

Robin, situated near the top of the gurney, unfolded her arms from across her chest. She reached out to gently brush back the bangs from Matt's forehead with her fingers, so the tape used to hold his head in place wouldn't pull, when the staff in San Francisco, removed it. She tentatively leaned forward, whispered something in Swedish into his ear, and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

The others followed suit, Izzy with a pat to Matt's hand and Frank with a squeeze to his shoulder; both offering their own words of encouragement to their injured commander, as they all walked the gurney down the hall to the elevator.

"You tell them to take good care of my boy, 'til I can get there", Jesse instructed the flight nurse.

He nodded affirmatively, "Will do Sir", and the doors closed.

"Dad, we'd better get home and get packed", Cody urged.

"Son, it'll be a while 'til we can get out to San Francisco to be with Matt", Jesse said regretfully. "I've still got to close up the cabin, let your school know I'm pulling you out early, and find someone to take the horses and Ding while...".

"Don't worry about the horses or Ding Jesse, we'll take them". Robin was insistent.

"And we'll make sure to keep an eye on the cabin while you're gone", Izzy assured him.

"And don't worry about getting there, either. The bird's fueled and ready to go. You say the word, and I can have you in San Francisco before sunset", Frank offered.

Jesse smiled. "I appreciate it guys, and I think I'll take you up on those offers, but Frank...", he paused and clapped the young man on the back, "...you know that bird can't be used for personal use".

"What personal use?", he asked incredulously, "This is official High Mountain Ranger business. You're our founder Jesse".

"And there won't be any liability issues since we're on temporary inactivity until..., Izzy hesitated slightly and lowered his eyes sadly. "Until we can regroup".

Robin walked up to Jesse and affectionately put her arm around his shoulders. "And I really don't think our commander would mind...just this once", she whispered into his ear.

Jesse flashed a watery smile, and walked from the hospital side by side with the damn finest bunch of rangers he'd ever known.

* * *

**_I hope using some of the dialogue from the actual scene wasn't a deterrence. I'm trying to keep the things I liked about the episode, and build my story around them, while still trying to be somewhat original. I hope it's working. If not though, I can always reformat the rest of the chapters differently, although I can't promise some similarities won't arise._**

**_I know I said in my previous note, that this chapter would be the 'Tahoe to San Fran', but it's more like the 'leaving Tahoe' missing scene. The 'San Fran' scene will be coming up in the next chapter, but obviously without the whole 'five day Arcadian trek west'. I mean seriously, couldn't Jesse spring for a train ticket at least; his son was in the hospital for Christ's sake!_**

**_I previously forgot to disclaim any rights to HMR or JH, but I'm pretty sure all of you already knew that. So, there it is, I own nothing._**

**_In closing, Thanks again, for all the great feedback. I really _****_appreciate it._**

**_~Missy~_**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

Because of a nasty storm front moving in, Frank was unable to get the bird up until late the next day, which prevented father and son from arriving in San Francisco until it was well past visiting hours. So Jesse and Cody, relying on their vast knowledge and skills, found a park only a few block from the hospital and decided to set up camp there, for the night. Unfortunately, with the stresses of being in a new city as well as having no update on Matt's condition in almost 24 hours, neither of them could sleep very well. And so by the crack of dawn, the two Hawkes men had picked up camp and were looking for a place to have breakfast.

"Can I help you Sir?", a chipper voice called out to Jesse as he neared the large desk in the lobby of the hospital.

"Yes Ma'am, my son and I are here to see my older son. He was airlifted here the day before yesterday from Tahoe General. The name's Matthew Hawkes", he replied politely.

The receptionist behind the counter ran her fingers quickly over her keyboard, then took the time to curiously eye Jesse, Cody and the large bulky backpacks they were carrying, while waiting for the results. "Yes, Matthew Hawkes. Fifth floor ICU", she stated casually, and handed them the appropriate passes.

An unexpected relief washed over Jesse, Matt had made it through another night. At least that was something. "Thank you Ma'am", he drawled, and with a tip of his head, headed in the direction of the elevators.

"Um Sir?", she called out again, causing Jesse and Cody to stop and turn around. "Would you like to leave your bags back here until after your visit?".

With a cordial smile, he simply declined the offer. "No thanks, we'll take 'em with us. We don't plan on leaving".

The receptionist returned the smile, albeit forcibly, and sighed back into her seat. She'd never fully understand country folk.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, for the elevator to get them there, Jesse and Cody finally found themselves on the fifth floor. They were first required to check in at the nurses station, where they were given another set of visitors passes, and detailed instructions on the rules of the intensive care wing. Jesse was just about at his wits end by the time the nurse got to the finer points of thorough hand washing; he just wanted to see his son.

Upon entering room 515, both Jesse and Cody were pleasantly surprised with the greeting they got. "Hey". The voice was weak and soft, but it was a very welcomed sound. "You made it".

"What, you didn't think we would?", Jesse asked teasingly. Matt's lips twitched slightly as if trying to smile, but his weary eyes began to droop. "How're you feeling son?", Jesse inquired, trying to keep the boy in the conversation as long as he could. It was just so good to hear him talking.

With great effort, Matt managed, "Like I was dragged behind an 18 wheeler". His eyes darted suspiciously between his father and his uncharacteristically silent younger brother, about all he could manage with the stiff neck brace keeping his head immobile. "Why, how do I look?".

"Compared to what?". There was Cody. Finally.

"Never mind", Matt let out a good-natured sigh.

Jesse chuckled softly at the banter between his boys. "What your brother really meant is, you look a lot better today than you did the last time we saw you".

"I don't know Dad, I think the bruises added some color to that pasty skin of his", Cody teased playfully.

Matt tried to join in the laughter, but it came out more like a stifled cough. "Torturing my patient, I see". The voice in question, was that of an attractive young woman. "I'm Dr. Elizabeth Denny. I'm the attending physician on Matt's case", she held out her hand, "You must be Mr. Hawkes".

"Jesse", he corrected. "And this is my other son, Cody".

"Nice to meet you".

The doctor smiled politely at Cody, then turned her attention to her patient. "Well Matt, how are you feeling?".

"Fine", he answered a bit sluggishly.

"Any pain?".

"My head, a little; and my neck is sore", he added, cringing as he tried unsuccessfully to move his head.

Dr. Denny nodded and flashed her penlight in Matt's eyes, then moved to loosen the hard plastic collar from around his neck. She carefully watched his reaction as she gently palpitated her fingers down the back of his neck. Satisfied that his discomfort was most likely being caused by the cumbersome brace, and not some undiagnosed problem, she refastened it and moved to write something down on his chart.

"Is that thing really necessary?", Jesse asked skeptically.

"It is if we don't want to risk further injury", she glanced up from the chart to answer, matter of fact. "Any other pain Matt?".

"No. None". Jesse could detect a slight hint of fear in his sons voice, and it was unsettling.

"Well, we've changed your dosing a little bit, so you just make sure to tell the nurses if any pain should arise. We want you to be as comfortable as possible", the doctor noted, smiling softly. "Okay, so we'll see you soon Matt. Nice to meet both of you", she directed the last part toward Jesse and Cody, as she walked away. Hesitating slightly in the doorway, Elizabeth called out Jesse, "Um Mr. Hawkes, can we talk?".

"Sure", he answered, and followed her out.

"First of all, I have to tell you Matt's vital signs are holding steady, his overall health is impeccable, and his young age is a advantage...".

"Doctor please, I've been around a lot of trauma cases; don't beat around the bush", Jesse interjected.

Dr. Denny stopped in her tracks and sighed heavily. She was fairly new to this, and it showed. "Okay. Well right now our utmost concern is that Matt has bruised his spinal cord. There's an area at the lower base of the neck with bruising and swelling and another a little farther down, around T5, with substantial swelling as well as some ligament and soft tissue damage". She paused only to take a breath. " He has no feeling in his legs, he has very little sensation in his hands and arms".

"Are you saying my son may spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair? Is that what you're saying?", Jesse asked challengingly.

"I'm saying that we just don't know yet", she explained bleakly. "Some people can recover from an injury like this, others don't. It depends on the severity of the injury itself and the extent of the nerve damage. And we won't know the extent of that until the swelling subsides. It's a very slow process that can take weeks...".

"And if there is permanent damage?", Jesse interjected grimly.

Elizabeth lowered her eyes to the floor.

"Doctor, what is it you're not telling me?", he implored.

"Mr. Hawkes, we are doing everything we can for your son, but from what we've determined so far in Matt's case, I'm afraid the odds are about 70/30, against a full recovery".

It took Jesse a moment to process just what she was saying. "How much does Matt know?".

"Enough", the doctor determined. "We've decided to just give him as much information as we think he could handle".

"That's good", Jesse let out a sigh relief, "Matt just lost two of his best friends. I don't think he could take any more bad news right now". Dr. Denny nodded her head in agreement, but Jesse hadn't noticed; he was far too preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going find the people that did this to his son, and what he was going to do to them, when he found them. Only one thing was standing in his way, though. "I think it would be helpful to Matt if his brother stayed here with him. He won't be any trouble", Jesse insisted, "He could just pitch a tent...".

"Mr. Hawkes, I have no problem with Cody spending all of his free time with Matt, during visiting hours, of course. However, the hospital does has very strict policies against people camping out in patients room". She chuckled slightly at that thought and offered him another option. "But, we do offer extended lodging for out of town family members, in an apartment complex on campus. Just say the word, and I can get the two of you a room".

"That would be great", Jesse mustered a charming smile in spite of the turmoil her was feeling, "That way Cody and I won't have to find a park to sleep in tonight",

* * *

**_Originally I was going to end this chapter in a different way, but now I'm saving that ending for the next chapter. Again, there's a lot of episode material floating around with my own stuff, but I think I've reworked it accordingly. And even though I hated how unprofessional Dr. Denny was in the actual scene with her inappropriate laughing/smiling and blatant flirting with Jesse(Ick), I did decide to keep her in here as Matt's primary physician. It just made things easier, especially for the future chapters I have planned._**

**_The response to this story is overwhelming and very much appreciated. Your reviews make me so incredibly happy :) Thanks!_**

**_~Missy~_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**

"Hello?".

Izzy grinned at the sound of the familiar voice filtering through his ear. "Cody, how are you doin'?", he greeted excitedly, listened to the boys answer, then hurried to the door to alert his coworkers of the call. "Guys, it's Cody. He's on the phone".

Frank and Robin rushed into the room from outside, where they were checking over the motorbikes. "Can we take this?", Frank turned to ask Neil Jenkins; a seasoned ranger who had served under Jesse, and was now filling in as their acting commander.

Neil chuckled as he continued to walk toward the kitchen. "Sure, just as long as you tell the kid, to let his old man know that 'Grizzly' says hi".

"Put him on speaker phone Izzy", Robin urged.

"Cody? Hold on a sec, everyone here wants to talk to you". Izzy pressed the appropriate buttons, then nodded to the other as he place the receiver back onto the cradle. "You still there?".

"Yeah, I'm here". At the sound of Cody's voice, Ding let out an excited yelp. "Hey boy", Cody called out to his dog, and it was obvious from his tone that the boy was missing his companion. "He's not causing too much trouble out there, is he?".

"Who, Izzy or the dog?", Frank asked teasingly.

"Hi Frank", Cody chuckled.

Frank smiled and added, "No kid, Ding's doing great...a little thick around the middle from all the table scraps he's getting, but that's about it. How are things out there in sunny San Fran?".

"Things are pretty good, but not all that sunny; more like cloudy and overcast...and really, really cold". This made Frank and Izzy laugh; a kid raised in a cabin half-way up the side of a mountain, and he was cold in San Francisco. "But you really don't need pretty sunsets when you've got so many other beautiful things to look at". There, now that sounded more like Cody Hawkes. Frank and Izzy couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Hey Cody, how's Matt?". Robin's soft voice broke through the laughter. It was the question in the back of every ones mind, but only she'd mustered enough courage to actually ask it. It wasn't that she didn't have faith in old adage, 'no news is good news'; in fact, Izzy was spending the better part of each day, reminding her of that. And initially it was a relief to hear Cody laughing and joking, but it had also been three days since their last update, and she just couldn't wait for word any longer.

There was a pause from Cody, that caused the fluttering to intensify in the pit of Robin's stomach. And the vague reply he gave, "He's doin' pretty good", only increased her anxiousness. But then a soft chuckle coming from the speaker, filled the room. "Only now that their not sedating him as much, he's constantly complaining about being flat on his back and having that stupid neck brace on".

"They still have him immobilized?", Robin inquired, worriedly.

"Yeah, they said surgery to repair the torn ligaments and stuff, can't happen until the swelling goes down", Cody answered simply.

"Well has his neurological profile improved?", Robin asked next, and quickly followed with another. "And what did his latest CAT scan show?".

Cody knew Robin was asking him something medical, and considering he didn't understand what the doctors and nurses were talking about half the time, he knew he wouldn't be any help to her. "Sorry Robin, my Dad handles all of the medical stuff and he's not here right now. All I really know is what I already told you; Matt's in serious but stable condition". It was the best he could offer her.

"Thanks", she sighed, sounding more than a little disheartened.

"Sure", he replied, then paused a moment in thought, before adding,"Ya know, I'll probably be able to update you guys a little more regularly now that Dad and I are staying here at the hospitals apartment complex, and we have our own phone".

"We'd appreciate that Cody. Thanks.", Izzy called out, as he watched Robin out of the corner of his eye.

"And I know that Matt can't take any phone calls or have any gifts sent to the room, but if you guys want to write him a letter or make a taped message, I can make sure he gets it. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you". Cody was obviously thinking about Robin when he suggested that. "You can send that stuff to the hospital address, just make sure you put apartment 303 on the envelope".

"We'll do. And if you, Jesse, or Matt, need anything from us, just holler", Frank made sure to add.

"Okay".

Robin could tell that the call was coming to an end, but almost couldn't bring herself to say goodbye. Cody was her only link to Matt right now. "Cody, give him our best. Okay?".

"I will", he promised.

The connection was broken and the room fell silent; all except for a small whimper from Ding. Robin softly excused herself and headed up the stairs to the sleeping quarters, mumbling something about something, probably an eyelash, in her eye. Frank and Izzy shared a knowing glance, and with heavy hearts, moved back outside to finish their work.

Ding following close behind.

* * *

Matt had two more good days after that, before things suddenly took a turn for the worse. Cody walked into the hospital room that Monday morning to find it empty. "Where's my brother?", he asked the lone nurse, there to change the bed sheets.

She paused in her movements to give him a small smile. "I believe they took him down for some tests", she answered simply and returned to her duties.

Cody thought nothing of it as he stepped from the room to take the short walk to the vending machines by the elevators, when he was intercepted by Dr. Denny. "Cody, is your father with you?".

"No".

"Well, do you know where he is?", she asked, this time her voice took on an urgent tone.

Cody shook his head. "He's out taking care of some business. He said he should be back this afternoon", he started to explain, but quickly turned concerned, "Why, what's wrong?".

Dr. Denny let out a short sigh, put her arm around Cody's shoulders in a comforting gesture, and slowly led him back in the direction of Matt's room. "As you know, your brother started running a temperature late yesterday, which is not uncommon with his type of injury. But early this morning, his vitals signs took an unexpected dive and he-", she stopped after noticing the lost look on Cody's face."Cody, it's very important that we get in touch with your father as soon as possible. Did he leave an address or a number to where he could be reached?".

"No", Cody reiterated sternly. He paused and looked up at the doctor apologetically, then asked, "Why do you need my dad?".

Elizabeth hesitated slightly. "When we repeated Matt's NMR scan, and we found what looks to be a hematoma near his spine. A hematoma is a collection of blood in a localized area. In this case, it's surrounding the area of injury. We're not sure how long it's been there, since it wasn't noticeable on Matt's previous scan. We're repeating his CAT scan now to have something to compare the results to. But if this hematoma continues to grow, it will need to be removed as soon as possible, before it causes any more damage".

"But I thought you said that trying to do surgery while there was still swelling, was dangerous", Cody argued.

"It is, and now with the fever he's running, even more dangerous", Dr. Denny concurred grimly. "I'm afraid that in Matt's current state, he's unable to consent to anything right now; and if his condition continues to deteriorates the way it has been, this may be his only chance--".

"I don't care what you have to do doctor". They turned to see a fiery Jesse purposefully striding toward them. "You just make sure you save my son".

* * *

The surgeon wasted no time taking Matt up to surgery as soon as Jesse gave his consent. The second scan confirmed what they had suspected, there was definitely a large hematoma that had formed. And while the surgery was risky, doing nothing would have been far riskier.

That didn't offer much comfort to either Hawkes, though.

The wait for word was agonizing. They had taken Matt up to surgery over an hour ago. Cody coped by reading, or pacing; while Jesse just sat stony in the corner. "I thought you weren't planning on getting here 'til this afternoon", Cody finally asked his father, when the one sided conversations started becoming almost intolerable.

"Couldn't focus. I had this feeling something wasn't right with Matt", Jesse disclosed.

Cody nodded. He'd felt it too, last night, when Matt stopped contributing to their conversations, and could barely keep his eyes open. He resumed paging through the magazine in his lap, and after a while, asked casually, "Hear back from Mom yet?".

"Nope", Jesse replied curtly.

Cody sighed heavily, "Dad?". Jesse responded with a challenging glare; the two had obviously had this conversation a few times over the past week. "She's not ignoring your messages, ya know".

"Do I?", he asked back.

"You told them it was a family emergency Dad, she'd never ignore something like that", Cody reasoned.

Jesse countered with a reasoning of his own, "You know if I would've went with her, you'd be going this alone".

"No. If you would have went with her like you were supposed to, then the two of you would be right here with me. Mom wouldn't have been so angry that she had to take Marge on your anniversary cruise instead of you, that she might've actually called to check in on us", Cody countered, only slightly teasingly.

Jesse stood abruptly and began to pace. Cody had hit a nerve. "Dad, I'm sorry", he offered in apology.

"Don't be", he assured the boy with a smile, then moved to embrace him, but stopped when he noticed Dr. Denny walking toward them.

"The surgery went well", she started before either of them could ask. "Dr. Daniels was able to remove the hematoma and carefully stabilized the spine-".

"That's great", Cody cheered elatedly, "So with that hema--whatever gone, Matt'll be back on his feet in no time. Right?".

Dr. Denny let out the breath she was holding. She looked over at Jesse; he knew could tell by her expression that it wasn't good, and nodded for her to continue. "I wish I could tell you that were the case Cody", she said with a heavy heart. "Unfortunately, for Matt, the hematoma severely compressed the surrounding nerves as well as the cor--".

Jesse cut Elizabeth off by clearing his throat. "Doctor, you said before the surgery that the odds were 70/30, against a full recovery. What are Matt's odds now".

"About 90/10", she whispered softly.

Cody was stunned. "What, you mean my brother is--". He wasn't able to finish the sentence, saying the words would make them real, and this just couldn't be happening. Not to Matt.

"We're cautiously optimistic that with intensive therapy, Matt will regain full use of his arms and hands", Dr. Denny added, trying to sound positive.

"Dad?", Cody called out pleadingly.

Jesse ignored Cody for a moment while he asked, "When can we see him?".

"He'll be in recovery for a few more hours", she answered, determined to stay professional even though this case was deeply affecting her. She excused her herself, promising to be back to talk to them as soon as Matt was returned to his room.

Cody shook his head disbelievingly. "Dad, there's got to be something else they can do, maybe find another surgeon or a specialist--".

Jesse turned to face Cody, "Son, your brother is about to receive the worst news of his life and he's going to need you to be there for him, and to be strong". He placed his hands on his boys shoulders and gave a quick squeeze.

"Where are you going now?", Cody asked his retreating father.

"To try to get a hold of your mother", Jesse answered without so much as a glance over his shoulder.

Cody sighed as he watched his father walk away. Amazed that the man, who had never before backed down from a fight, could give in and give up, so easily.

What he couldn't see was the father, so distraught and devastated. Jesse barely made around the corner, before he sank onto the bench near the payphones, and finally let himself grieve.

* * *

**_This is the chapter where the story starts to take on a life of it's own. The detailed the phone call at the beginning was used to give a little insight as to what's going with our favorite rangers, as it pertains to the story, and Matt. There will be a slight lapse in appearances in the next few chapters though, but they will resurface soon(and be mentioned quite frequently). I also felt the need to mention Jackie because 1) I will be integrating her into the story, 2) I hated how they just decided, out of the blue, that she and Jesse were over(after just celebrating 25 years of marriage) and that she was moving tot Atlanta and getting remarried HUH?, and 3) There is NO way she would not be there for her son after he was so seriously injured. Now mind you, she's not one of my favorite characters, but she's definitely needs to be there. _**

**_There isn't much to say about Dr. Denny in this chapter, except that there's a discrepancy that I forgot to mention last time. It's something that's been bothering me since I first watched the pilot. When she leaves Matt's room to talk to Jesse, she tells him that Matt's chances for recovery are "excellent", but then a few seconds later, she's telling him that there are 70/30 odds, against a full recovery. Who gave this woman a medical degree? I can't claim much in the way of medical knowledge, but come on!_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

It was Wednesday before Matt regained something that resembled consciousness. He took the news Dr. Denny had to offer stoically. And Jesse gauged by his sons reaction, or lack there of, that he'd already known things weren't looking so good for him.

Jesse and Cody stayed vigilantly at Matt's bedside, one not leaving unless the other was there; even if their presence was hardly ever acknowledged. Matt found that feigning sleep, even though he was forced to relive that hellish day over and over every time he closed his eyes, was still far easier than facing the reality of the situation.

Matt heard them walk in quietly, as not to disturb him. Cody sat down in his usual spot, a chair adjacent to the foot of the bed, in the right-hand corner of the room; while Jesse took purchase next to Matt's side.

"I talked to Frank this morning, while you were in the shower. He said it looks like Cooper's problem is a hoof abscess", Cody, in a soft voice, told Jesse.

Matt could sense his father nod. "That should clear up in a few days", Jesse replied casually. "What caused it?"

Cody glanced over at his brother before answering, "I guess he picked up a nail along the trail the other day when Robin rode him up to check on the cabin". Since there was no response, Cody figured Matt was actually sleeping. But he was wrong.

"And?", Jesse asked, in reference to his home.

Cody stood up to look out the window. "Every thing's fine. There were a few trees down from last weeks storm, but nothing major". He paused, peering over his shoulder at his brother, and sighed heavily. "Robin's sending that stuff you asked for", he added, on his way to the door.

"Where are you going?", Jesse asked puzzled.

"Vending machine".

Jesse chuckled, "You just had breakfast less than an hour ago". Cody shrugged, his gaze briefly falling upon Matt once more, before walking out of the room.

Starring at the contents of the vending machine, Cody found it was hard to choose something when you weren't actually hungry. The elevator bell sounded, and reflexively his eyes traveled to the opening doors, and widened notably at what he saw. "Mom!".

"Cody", Jackie cried out, rushing over to her youngest son, and pulling him into a tight embrace. "Baby, I've missed you".

The two lingered there for a while, reveling in having each other near. "How are you doing honey?", she asked when they finally broke apart, also taking this time to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Fine", Cody answered numbly, "I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed". Another piece of Jackie's heart shattered into little pieces, a quite common occurrence these past few days. The first was two days ago when the cruise ship docked in Miami, and she finally got the message that Matt had been seriously injured, the second, when she learned just how serious those injuries were, and now, at the realization of just how hard all of this must be on her boys.

"How is he?", she whispered into Cody's ear as she wrapped her arms around him once again. A small part of her wasn't sure she even wanted to know.

Jackie felt him shrug. "Okay I guess", There was a slight hesitation in his voice, "He's not awake very much, and when he is, he's really quiet".

"What about your father?".

"Dad's good". Jackie had to wonder about the legitimacy of Cody's answer, and gave him a skeptical look. "Really, he is", the boy insisted.

"Hell Cody, I thought you'd got lost", Jesse called out to his sons back, as he ambled down the hospital corridor. Cody twisted his head around, then moved out of the way so his father could see for himself, what was occupying his time. "Jac?".

"Oh Jess", Jackie choked out. Fresh tears sprang to her eyes as she ran into the waiting arms of her husband. He held her close while she sobbed into his shoulder. Jesse then looked to Cody, who immediately joined them.

Jackie took the time to compose herself as trio slowly walked down the hall together. "Are you ready?", Jesse asked tenderly, once they reached the doorway of room 515. Jackie nodded, and slipped into the room. She was relieved at first to find that Matt looked absolutely fine, aside from the vast array medical paraphernalia surrounding him. On the flight here, a dozen different scenarios filtered through her head. She'd half thought he'd look like a mangled mess, just what you'd expect from someone who had survived an explosion. But Matt looked just like he did when he was a teenager, asleep in his bed. Jackie took a tentative step forward, but upon her second inspection, she found his stillness disconcerting; she would usually find him askew, tangled in his bed sheets, when she went in to wake him up for school.

Jackie turned back to Jesse, her eyes glistening once again. "How could we have let this happen?", she pleaded, falling back into his arms. Again, she wept in his embrace. "I knew how dangerous that job is. Good God Jesse, in the last year alone, he's been in the hospital at least five times. "The broken hand, the blown out knee cap. Less than three months ago, he almost died of hypothermia. And yet I still let him do it". She shook her head in disbelief, "Why?".

"Don't blame yourself Mom, it's not your fault". Jackie spun on her heel at the sound of Matt's scratchy voice. "I knew the risks".

Cody stood there stunned. Two complete sentences, the most he'd heard Matt say since he was hurt.

Jackie smiled at her son through her tears as she closed the gap between them and gingerly lowered herself onto the sliver of mattress, next to Matt's hip. Instinctively, she reach out for his hand, "Oh Sweetheart". They locked eyes for a moment before Jackie followed Matt's gaze to their clasped hands. At his change in expression, it finally struck her that he wasn't able to feel her hand on his.

This broke her heart all over again. With her other hand, Jackie cupped her sons face. "It's going to be okay Matty", she promised, nearly choking on the emotion caught in her throat. Matt managed a small nod and forced his lips upward into a tight smile at the use of his childhood nickname. Jackie gently brushed her thumb across Matt's cheek, discretely wiping away the single tear that escaped the corner of his eye.

Silently, Jesse moved in to stand next to his wife, one hand finding the small of her back while the other clenched Matt's shoulder. Cody followed suit, and sat down opposite his mother. Jackie took hold of his hand too. She looked between her three men and whispered, "Everything will be okay".

Wanting more than anything to believe his mothers words, Matt finally let his weary eyes flutter shut. True exhaustion took over, as the strength of his family, surrounded him.

* * *

Jesse, Jackie and Cody stayed at the hospital until visiting hours ended; heading back to apartment complex after first stopping to pick up something to eat. Nobody was willing to leave Matt's side earlier.

Jackie smiled as she watched Cody load his plate with Chinese takeout, then take it into the living area, to eat in front of the tv. "It's nice to see the change in scenery hasn't affected his appetite much", Jackie joked lightly as she filled a plate for Jesse.

He glanced over at their growing son and nodded. "I had to have Robin forward our mail out here. That kids gonna eat his way through my pension before we're even here a month".

Jackie's smile faded slightly. She poked at her food with a fork. "Did they say how long it'll be until Matt can come home?".

Jesse continued to pour Jackie a cup of tea. "They didn't", he replied, matter of fact, then sat down next to her and poured his own. Jackie was obviously not happy with that answer. Jesse set down the tea kettle and folded his hands in front of him, "We didn't say grace".

"Jess?", she pressed, warningly.

Jesse leaned forward on his elbows, speaking in a low tone for just Jackie's ears. "It'll be a long time", he let out a heavy sigh, "Months probably".

"Months?", she hissed, glancing over her shoulder in Cody's direction. He was obliviously glued to the set.

Jesse nodded soberly. "Dr. Denny said that he'll be in the ICU for a few more weeks before moving to a regular room. From there it's onto the rehabilitation wing".

"There has to be a rehabilitaion center closer to Tahoe, Jess?", Jackie insisted anxiously.

"I don't know", Jesse shrugged. "They flew him out here for a reason Jac. This place is obviously most qualified to help Matt".

That is not what Jackie needed to hear. The last thing she wanted to do was be apart from her son when he needed her most. "I'll check it out when I get back hom--", the words trailed off. Jesse ran his hand over Jackie's arm in a comforting way. She tried to hold back the tears, but they flowed again freely, "Dave can only give me two more weeks, since I've already been gone ten days and-".

"Hey guys, I'm going to bed", Cody's voice interrupted from the kitchenette, where he had just deposited his dirty dish in the sink. Jackie dabbed her eyes with a napkin and fought to compose herself. "Night Mom", he offered with a hug from behind.

Jackie kissed him on the cheek. "Sleep well sweetie".

"G'night son", Jesse called out to Cody as he was passing by.

Cody stopped and smiled down at his father, "Goodnight Dad".

Once their boy had left the room, Jesse turned back to Jackie. "Babe, I know you have to get back to work soon, but don't worry about Matt or Cody, I'll take good care of them", he assured her.

"I know you will", she responded with a watery smile. "You're a great father Jesse Hawkes".

"And you're a wonderful mother", he countered.

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that", Jackie argued, getting up from her seat to take her own, nearly untouched, plate to the sink.

Rushing to her side, Jesse found his wife leaning against the counter, her shoulder shaking violently. "Jackie?", he called out softly and gently wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh God Jess", she sobbed heavily into his shoulder, "our poor baby".

"I know Jac. I know", he whispered soothingly into her ear. And he did know.

Slowly, Jesse moved from running his hand through Jackie's long curls, to kissing her tears away. She look up at him with a need that matched his, burning in her eyes. Quietly, he led her to the bedroom where they were finally able to find some form of comfort; in one another.

* * *

**_A bit of some much needed family bonding for y'all. No pun intended. The more I rewatch the episodes, the more I like the Jesse/Jackie relationship as well as the deep family bond we saw in the anniversary episode. _****_I'm going to try to update on only Mondays and/or Thursdays, to keep some sort of schedule. Hopefully, making things a little more predictable, will make reading even more enjoyable. _**

**_A huge thank you for all of the reviews. The continued support of this story is greatly appreciated._**

**_~Missy~_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7_**

Time slowed considerably for Matt as the days progressed, and he didn't.

Jesse made sure to wait until Jackie had left and Matt's overall condition improved enough, before resuming the full-time hunt for the drug dealers that put his son in the hospital in the first place. Although Jesse's evenings were spent at the hospital with his sons, Cody was still the one left with the arduous task of keeping Matt's spirits up during the day.

The youngest Hawkes took his time walking from the elevator, to his brothers room. "Wow, look at you sitting there like a king", Cody teased lightly, as he entered. It was a nice change to see his brother semi-upright and more alert. "How're you doing?"

Matt fought off another wave of nausea, an unpleasant side effect from being positioned more vertical, after spending so much time flat on his back. "Okay", he let the words come out with his breath, "Where's Dad?".

"He said he had some kind of appointment". It was all Cody could offer, even he didn't know where their father was going off to day after day. "You look a lot better today".

"Nice try Cody", Matt muttered distantly, "But the orderly held up a mirror today when he shaved me---". He let those words trail off, unable to continue, as he quickly remembered that he wasn't able shave himself, or feed himself; hell, he couldn't even scratch his own nose.

Matt's gaze traveled to the useless hands lying in his lap. Instinctively, Cody reached out, "Here, let me see what you have".

"Cody", Matt protested, but was powerless to do anything about it.

Cody placed Matt's right hand into his and waited patiently for his brother to squeeze it. "C'mon Crusher, let me have it", he encouraged playfully. Matt focused harder, but the only result was a faint twitch, no stronger than yesterday or the day before. Cody tried not to show his disappointment, and when Matt's eyes flickered up to meet his, he challenged, "It's not up to my standards, but I suppose you can't match that anyway".

"Not anymore, I can't", Matt replied bitterly, and turned his head toward the window.

"Look Matt, I'm sorry". The last thing Cody wanted to do was upset his brother in his already fragile state. "I didn't mean---".

The arrival of Dr. Denny halted any attempts at an apology from Cody. "Hi Matt. Hello Cody", she greeted cheerfully, then quickly got to work checking Matt's vitals. It was getting harder and harder to do, but Cody watched from the corner as his brother remained despondent, returning the doctor's questions with clipped, one or two word answers; much like he did with every other person who came into his room.

It wasn't until the doctor moved to check Matt's still unresponsive reflexes, something that Cody was still unable to accept; that he quietly let himself slip from the room.

* * *

"Dad?", Cody called, catching his father just as he was coming out of the bedroom, on his way out.

Jesse turned to face his son. He could see the stress of the past few weeks was taking it's toll on the older man. There were prominent frown lines starting to appear on his forehead, and dark circles under his eyes. Cody had to wonder what was tougher though, heeding the "crusade" to find those responsible for injuring Matt, or being the one who had to watch him struggling to deal with those injuries.

"What is it son?", Jesse asked softly, taking his time even though he looked to be in a hurry.

Cody nervously shifted from one foot to the other. "I was just wondering if you knew what time you'll be getting to the hospital today".

"Not sure, after my meeting I suppose", he replied casually as he slipped into his jacket, "Unless I come across another lead". Cody didn't try to hide his disappointment, he didn't think his father would notice anyway; Jesse had been far too preoccupied. "Why, was there something you needed?".

"No, I guess not", Cody generalized, instead of saying what was really on his mind. It wasn't what he needed, it was what Matt needed.

"You sure?", Jesse pressed.

"Yeah".

Pretending to be satisfied with that answer, Jesse merely nodded and headed for the door. He stopped after turning the nob and glanced over his shoulder, to offer, "Maybe I can drop by hospital for a little while, before my meeting; give you the morning off?".

"Sure Dad, thanks", the boy replied, not at all surprised that his father knew exactly what he needed, even when he didn't ask. Jesse smiled warmly and was just about to leave when Cody called out sheepishly, "Hey Dad, you got some cash?".

"Yeah, what do you want it for?", Jesse asked, as he dug into his pocket to fish out the money.

Cody cracked a smirk and shrugged innocently, "Lunch".

---------

It had been about a week since the doctors gave the okay for Matt to be moved from the intensive care section, to the step down unit. Ironically, the room numbers were the same, only now the room was located on the west side of the fifth floor, instead of the east.

"Hey Matt", Cody greeted as he walked in that afternoon with an armful of goodies. "Hungry?", he asked, unloading the packages of food onto the bed table that was currently pushed against the wall.

"Already ate", he answered distantly.

"What, that slop they try to pass off as food?", Cody joked. "How can you even eat that stuff?".

"It's kind of hard to refuse when you have a nurse force feeding you every meal", Matt countered briskly in reply. That was a lie and Cody knew it, he'd passed the lunch cart in the hall on his way in, and Matt's tray was practically full; as it was most days. The only time Matt ever made an effort to eat his meals, is when Jesse was there to oversee it; otherwise, they went nearly untouched.

Cody tried not to let his brother's mood bring him down, not after that chance encounter he just had with the pretty candy stripper at the elevator. He knew that if he'd come in early that morning when he was supposed to, he might not have ever met Wendy. It was destiny.

"Dad gave me some money this morning, so I went to the deli a few blocks away, that got that huge writeup in the newspaper. It was really hard to choose, so I went with the Italian, the classic and the potato salad; not to mention chips, cookies and some of those---".

"Cody, I said I wasn't hungry!".

"Okay, no need to get snippy. ", he relented, quickly turning his attention to the other delivery he had for his brother. "Maybe this will cheer you up then".

"What's is it?", Matt asked, straining slightly to peer into the open cardboard box Cody had placed next to his thigh.

"Your fan mail", Cody teased, grinning.

Matt was clearly puzzled. "What?".

Cody sat down on the bed next to Matt. "It seems you're a pretty popular guy. Mail's been pouring into the ranger station, and the guys have been nice enough to collect it for you. Robin sent it out as soon as I told her you were in a regular room".

"You still talk to Robin?", Matt asked softly.

Cody could barely contain his grin. It wasn't a huge surprise to him that Matt would be more intrigued by the sender of the package rather than the package itself, it was just nice to see his brother interested in something. And so Cody decided to run with it, "Yeah, and Frank and Izzy, whoever's there to answer the phone. We talk at least two or three times a week. They've all been really concerned about you and want regular updates on how you're doing---".

Matt let out a deep sigh and let his head fall back onto the pillow. "Why? It's not like there's anything to tell them".

"That's not true Matt. Even Dr. Denny's happy that you can---".

"What Cody, be propped up at a 45 degree angle and move a finger or two on my right hand?", Matt grated sarcastically, "Now that's really something to write home about".

"Yeah, it is", Cody retorted snappishly, "And I call home; they write back". He grabbed a fist full of different sized and colored envelopes and held them up for emphasis, "Everyone back home is really worried about you, Matt, they miss you". Cody started to flip through the letters. "See, here's a get well card from Mom's friend Margie. Here's one from the Sheriff's department. A homemade card from Aaron Bass's granddaughter Jen---", he held up the construction paper creation for Matt to see. It was a quick glance, but Cody could see his brothers expression soften a little. "A letter from Robin, one from Frank, and Izzy, another one from Robin, another get well card, this one is from---". Cody stopped abruptly, after he turned the envelope over to read the return address.

"Who's it from Code?".

Of course, now he was curious. Cody mentally chided himself for not checking the identity of the senders before he started rattling things off. "It's um---", he stuttered uncomfortably and averted his eyes.

"Cody?", Matt demanded.

After a stalling sigh, Cody looked back up at his brother. "It's from the Cutler family", he answered, as gently as he could.

Matt immediately turned as white as the sheets he was laying on, as his chest began to constrict painfully. His head stared to spin with unpleasant thoughts;_ Why?_ Why were they sending him a get well card?_ I was the one who got their son killed._

Cody desperately wanted to take back the words he's just uttered, but he couldn't; so changing the subject was his only option. "I can read the letters to you, if you want. Or I can just leave them open for you to read when you're---".

"Just put them over there Cody", Matt instructed, motioning with a nod of his head, to the far corner of the room.

Cody walked over to the window and began to open and arrange various cards on the small ledge.

"No, leave 'em in the box", Matt barked, once he saw what his brother was doing.

Cody looked over his shoulder and gave Matt a confused look, "But you won't be able to look at them if they're just sitting in the box".

"Exactly. Out of sight, out of mind", Matt muttered, even though he knew that couldn't be farther from the truth.

* * *

**_There was a request for more Matt, and personally I couldn't agree more, his presence has been sorely lacking. So Bettina, I hope this sufficed. Poor boy though, I'm really putting him through the ringer. In this chapter, I've incorporated some of the things from those scenes that I liked, while giving it a morose feel that fits better with this storyline. And while there were a few things perplexed me about the hospital scenes(Dr. Denny's contradicting diagnosis being the biggest one), I always thought that Matt seemed far too cheerful for what he was going through._**

**_Thank you for the continued reviews, they are greatly appreciated._**

**_~Missy~_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Summer in San Francisco was surprisingly mild. Most days you could get by wearing a light shirt and jeans, but when the fog rolled in or the rain came; light sweaters and even jackets were required. Cody and Jesse were able to acclimate very well considering the temperatures hadn't varied much from those that could be found back home in Tahoe; the task of living the city life, however, was still a work in progress. Well at least for Jesse, that is.

"Got a copy of today's newspaper in that cart of yours?", Cody called out as he jogged down the hall toward Wendy.

"I think I can spare one", she answered, grinning.

"Great", he replied, and took the offered paper. "Mind if I walk with you".

"No, not at all". Wendy blushed slightly then quickly resumed pushing her cart when she remembered, "But this isn't your brothers floor".

"Hmm, so it isn't", Cody pretended to be surprised that he was actually on the seventh floor instead of the fifth, and shrugged innocently, "I guess you'll just have to show me how to get to the elevator".

"Wouldn't you just go back in the direction you came from?".

"I suppose", he replied teasingly, "unless I took the stairs".

"So which was it, the elevator or the---", Wendy's words dropped off when she realized that Cody was playing with her. Flirting actually. Her cheeks began to redden even more, but she was able to recover pretty quickly with a question of her own, "So, what's it like back home?

"Peaceful, quiet---the mountain life".

"So like no electricity, heat or running water?".

Cody chuckled. "No we have electricity from a generator, running water from the well out back, and heat from the fireplace and space heater. Just nothing extravagant like microwave, dishwasher, tv---".

Wendy's eyes widened in horror, "You're putting me on right?

"Why is that?", he asked playfully.

"C'mon Cody, no tv in the house?", she asked incredulously.

"My Dad says we can live without one", he replied simply.

"Not even a black and white portable?". She wasn't giving up on this one. "I think there's a law against that".

Cody turned up the Hawkes charm with a flash of his dimples and the hopes of impressing Wendy with this one, "Well I have a horse and there's thousands of acres to ride on".

"I guess that's pretty cool. Do you have your own car yet". Says the city girl. This was going to be harder than Cody had originally planned.

"My Dad doesn't even have one".

"You're kidding?".

Cody shook his head, amused. If she only knew the half of it. "He says the problem with cars is they only go where the roads are".

"Right", Wendy replied with a wide smile and a roll of her eyes. "So, have you seen much of the city yet?".

"Just the few blocks surrounding the hospital. Unless you count the hike from the clearing we landed in when we first got here; but that was in the middle of the night, and I wasn't exactly in the sightseeing mood".

She could tell by the way his expression changed, that Cody "You know, if I can get the car some weekend, maybe I can show you around a little bit", she offered, sweet and sincere. She liked this boy. A lot.

"Okay, that'd be great", Cody accepted, flashing that handsome grin of his.

"Good". They both momentarily stopped in front of the elevator. "Bye", Wendy called out as she guided her cart to the right.

"Bye". Cody smiled, things were finally looking up.

"Hey Matt", Cody greeted cheerfully when he walked into his brothers room a few minutes later.

"Hey Cody". Matt may have grumbled, but at least it was an answer.

"Look, I was reading this article on the way down here and it made me think of Dad", Cody said, tossing the newspaper onto Matt's lap. "This is exactly what dad needs---".

"What, a mail order bride?", Matt questioned, bewildered. It was all he could get from the print by the way the paper had landed. His hands fumbled clumsily as he tried to grasp it.

"No, but they do have some great looking women in this city", Cody chuckled as he walked over to the bed.

Matt let out a slightly irritated sigh, he really wasn't in the mood to solve the riddles his brother was talking in. "Yeah Cody, be sure to tell Mom that".

Cody looked pointedly at his brother. "Speaking of Mom, she called the apartment this morning wondering why they weren't allowing any phone calls to your room". Matt's expression changed from wary, to guilty; but he didn't offer a reply. "She thought maybe you were sick or something".

"No, just sick and tired of listening to that stupid phone ring, and not being able to pick it up", he finally admitted, the frustration evident. "I had the nurse disconnect it. They're taking any messages at the desk up front".

Cody frowned. Matt hated that look, it just screamed pity to him. When couldn't take it anymore, he changed the subject back to the previous, "What does this have to do with Dad?".

"Everything", Cody replied, taking a seat on the bed next to his brother. He flipped the paper over and pointed to the article, holding it up for Matt to read. "Matt, you wouldn't believe the change in Dad since he started looking for these drug guys. He's all pumped up because that's what he's good at".

"Cody, he's not gonna be a bounty hunter", Matt argued.

"Why not? He's hunted guys his whole life. All he has is a pension that barely supports him. This is ten grand for one pop. You've got to talk Dad into being a bounty hunter". Cody could be quite persuasive when he wanted to be, but this wasn't just about something he thought his father would be good at; he'd seen the estimates of how much Matt's long term care would be costing, and a Ranger's pension just wasn't going to cover that.

Matt shook his head dismissively, "You're nuts".

"I don't hear any better ideas comin' from you", Cody sighed as he snatched the paper up.

"I've got other things on my mind", Matt retorted bitterly.

"Look Matt, I know it's hard, but---".

"No Cody, you don't".

That sympathetic look returned as Cody lowered his eyes momentarily. "Maybe if you stop thinking about it, you'll feel better", he suggested gently.

"And how do you suggest I do that?", Matt challenged, his voice spiking to a yell, "I can't feel, that's the problem"

As big as his heart was, there was no denying that Matt Hawkes could still feel; if anything, he felt too much. That was the problem, he was trying to numb the area that was giving him the most pain. "I'm talking about feeling in here", Cody clarified, pointing to his chest. With that, he stood up and walked from the room; giving Matt some time alone, to ponder his words.

* * *

Jesse walked into Matt's room with a spring in his step and a smile on his face, "Mornin' Son".

"Dad?", Matt greeted his father suspiciously .

Jesse followed his sons gaze over the clothes the nurses had dressed him after his sponge bath. "Dr. Denny said she wanted to start getting you out of bed during the day. Figured you'd be more comfortable in something that wasn't split up the back". Matt's appreciative look only turned to one of wariness when an orderly entered the room pushing an empty wheelchair. "And since Cody's spending the day out on the town with that candystriper friend of his, I thought maybe we could do a little sightseeing of our own". Jesse caught the wave of uneasiness that washed over Matt, but he wasn't about to back down because of it. "Dr. Denny gave the okay. She thinks it might be good for you to---".

"Yeah, that sounds good Dad".

Just the fact that Matt agreed, surprised Jesse; but the fact that he agreed so quickly and actually seemed willing, was a major breakthrough. Jesse grinned, "Well then, what are we waiting for?".

It only took a few minutes for Jesse and the orderly to get Matt situated and another ten or so for Dr. Denny to list off a short set of instructions for Jesse, and they were on their way. "Might be a little bumpy son", Jesse told Matt as they took a short cut across the grass. "Yeah, that's not too bad---It must feel great to be outside again, huh?".

Matt took in the sights around him and agreed a little dismally, "Yeah, fresh air instead of that hospital stuff".

"Ahh, we just missed it", Jesse griped as they reached the stop, just as the streetcar was pulling away."Almost forgot. I bought you something". Pulling a tennis ball out of his coat pocket, he placed in Matt's upturned right hand, "I thought this might help you get your grip strength back".

"Thanks", Matt replied, focusing all of his energy on that ball. But without having the proper control of his hands, he was unable to get his fingers around the sphere; it slipped from his grasp and fell to the ground, rolling quickly away.

"Butterfingers", Jesse teased Matt lightly, once he got the ball back from a kind passerby. "I told you to squeeze it, not play catch with it".

"I just wanted to see if you'd chase it into the street", Matt replied sheepishly. Jesse chuckled and Matt managed something that resembled a smile, before the temporary levity was replaced by a heavy awkwardness. An uncomfortableness that always seemed to arise whenever the subject of Matt's current handicaps, came up.

And that awkwardness only increased during the ride on the streetcar.

"Ya know when you get a little stronger, we should charter a boat and try our hand at fishing in these waters", Jesse suggested as he pushed Matt along the dock.

That wasn't going to happen, and Matt knew it. "Why don't you go with Cody", he offered instead.

"What's the matter, you scared I'm gonna be another Captain Bligh?", Jesse joked.

"No, I just meant there's no reason to waste your time waiting around for me, that's all". Matt shook his head in frustration. "I mean c'mon Dad, I can't even hold onto a stupid tennis ball. How am I supposed to go fishing?".

Jesse didn't want to hear that negative talk. "Son look, I know you're not happy with your progress. And I wasn't either at first. But Dr. Denny says your hands will get better, it just---".

"It just takes time, I know, everyone keeps telling me that. But none of them can tell me how much time, and none of them can make it go any faster". All the anger and frustration building up for the past three months, had finally bubbled over. Jesse didn't know how to respond to that, but in the end he didn't have to. "Maybe it's time for you and Cody to go back home Dad".

Matt's words were as soft as his suggestion was unexpected. Jesse was floored. "What are you saying son?".

"I don't know", he shook his head, sounding conflicted. "I just think it's stupid for you guys to stick around here, when you can be back home living your lives---".

"My life is you boys, Matthew", Jesse interjected, giving Matt's shoulders a squeeze for emphasis.

Matt turned his head to glance up at Jesse, and nodded. He knew his father would never leave him, but it wasn't Jesse he was worried about. "I know Dad, but this isn't fair to Cody".

"Your brother loves you very much Matt. I don't think he'll be willing to leave you---".

"Yeah but back in Tahoe, he could live with Mom, have fun, be a normal teenager". Jesse nearly bit through his lip trying to hold back a chuckle. Cody was anything but a "normal" teenager. "It's his senior year Dad. He should be thinking about getting into college and worrying about who he's going to take to prom; not stuck here helping take care of his crippled big brother".

Jesse coughed away the lump of emotion that had welled up in his throat. "Matt, what that strung out punk said back there on that streetcar was---".

"Was the truth Dad, and it's time I accepted it", Matt cut in morosely. He had to pause for a moment, letting his eyes flutter shut as he struggled to keep his own emotions in check. "I'm starting with intensive rehabilitation in a few weeks and I---".

"Your Mom has been trying to find a facility closer to home that specializes in the therapy you need---".

"No Dad, I want to do it here", Matt was resolute. He couldn't go home, not now. Maybe not ever."Dr. Denny says that they are the best, but that it's not going to be easy. In fact, it'll probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Even harder than scaling mountain sides in Ranger training". Matt managed a wistful smile as looked down at his hands and fought to remember the feeling of rope in them. He looked back up at his father, his eyes damp and pleading. "Cody's already had to see so much. I just don't want him to have to watch me go through that".

Jesse, blinking back his tears, snaked one arm around Matt's chest and held him firmly, while the other hand softly patted his head. He nodded in understanding, and placed a kiss atop his sons blond hair, "I'll talk it over with your mother and brother".

* * *

**_This chapter has the last two pilot scenes I'll be using in this story, the rest will be almost completely original, aside from the occasional stray line that may pop up in the future_****_. I jumbled up the "scenes" again too; I think it makes things flow better with the story line. _**

**_Funny, there was another slight inconsistency I found when watching these two scenes. If you notice in the hospital scene with Cody, Matt's holding the newspaper with both hands, no problem; but in the following scene, the streetcar stop with Jesse, Matt can't even grasp the tennis ball in one hand.?! That was a little confusing to me, but then again, I'm no expert._**

**_I made sure to jam pack this chapter full of Matt because unfortunately, he's not in the next one. Well, not in body that is; only spirit._**

**_I cannot thank all of you readers and reviewers enough for making this experience so enjoyable. I am so very pleased. Thanks!_**

**_~Missy~_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9_**

"Dispatch calling High Mountain Ranger station 1".

"This is HMR station 1. Go ahead dispatch", Izzy replied tersely, annoyed that the newly acquired rookie, Clayton Monroe, was currently in dereliction of his duties. Again.

"Station one, we have a distress call coming in from the base of Eagle Creek Canyon. A pair of climbers went down somewhere near Sunny falls. Rescue and EMT services requested".

"Gotcha dispatch. Any word on the condition of the injured?".

"Negative ranger base. Witness just said he saw two people fall".

Izzy looked over his shoulder at their acting commander Neil Jenkins. Grizzly gave the okay in the form of a nod, as he headed over to the fax machine to get the detailed information on their next mission. He handed Frank a slip of paper, "Avila, here are the coordinates". The pilot nodded and ran out the door to fire up the bird.

"On our way dispatch. ETA about 20 minutes. Out.", Izzy radioed.

Jenkins motioned for the two remaining rangers in the room to join him at the wall map. "Okay people, we've got at least two hikers down, probable injuries; here, at this ridge". He glanced up at them. "Kelly, make sure we have everything we need for multiple victims. Flowers, grab the repelling gear, and we're out of here".

"What about me Sir?", Monroe asked eagerly from the doorway of the kitchen.

Grizzly snickered, "Well son, if you can actually stay at your desk for more than thirty seconds, we're gonna need you to man the phones".

The rookie sighed and looked around the now empty room, "But you told me to make the coffee".

Adrenaline was running high on the flight to the mountain, as it did on most missions. There hadn't been much time for the team to grieve for their losses considering these summer months turned out to be the busiest on record; and being two men down up until a week ago, didn't help any.

"I think I see something", Grizzly announced, lifting the binoculars up to his eyes for conformation. Frank took the helicopter in, setting it down as close to the hikers as he could get, and shutting it down. With at least two injured hikers, conditions unknown, they were going to need all the help they could get. "If we repel from here, we should reach them in less than ten minutes".

Jenkins was a good ranger, and a competent leader. Unfortunately, he lacked the sensitivity and tactfulness that Matt had, as often displayed a haphazard "damn the consequences" attitude, that must have got him in a lot of trouble when he was younger.

A small plea for help could be heard as the group descended down the mountain side. Grizzly was the first one to reach the ridge, followed by Izzy, then Frank and Robin. "Thank God", the female cried once the rangers came into sight.

"Take it easy Miss", Jenkins warned the young woman when he noticed her cringe in pain as she shifted against the rocks, trying to stand. Izzy knelt beside her while Grizzly moved to check on the male, just as Robin and Frank were coming around with the equipment.

"Please, I think my boyfriend is hurt really bad", she pleaded tearfully with them, "He said he can't move his legs".

Robin stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart started to race and her head began to spin as she dropped the bags she was carrying and brushed past Frank. "I--I ca---".

"Ranger Kelly?", Jenkins called out, rising from his place beside the young man. "Ranger Kelly!".

Frank's eyes momentarily met with Izzy's before heading back around the corner of the ridge. He found her perched forward on a rock, elbows on knees, head in her hands. "Robin?".

"I can't Frank", she insisted pleadingly.

He stepped beside her and placed his hand on her back. "Can't what?".

"I can't go back there. I can't do this".

Frank let out a sympathetic sigh and knelt down to remind her, "It's your job Robin, you have to".

"I know that, but it's---".

"Yeah it's hard Robin, for all of us, but were not in that field and that's not Matt back there---". His words dissipated into the air as she looked up at him with watery eyes. Ironically, she'd actually managed to get through the entire morning without thinking about Matt, and what he was dealing with back in San Francisco. Until now. "You're the only one here who can help this guy. He needs you Robin".

Robin gave Frank a tight smile and nodded. He helped her up and placed his arm protectively over her shoulder as they walked back to the site. "Nice to see you've decided to rejoin us Ranger Kelly", Grizzly bristled, looking up from the patient he was forced to start treating.

Robin avoided eye contact with Izzy and the distraught girlfriend as she stepped over them to get to him. "You'll help him won't you?", the injured woman pleaded.

"I'll do my best", Robin promised, kneeling down beside the man.

Grizzly had already assessed the man and treated the laceration on his forehead. "Obvious pelvic and hip deformities. Diminished sensation in the lower extremities, might be due to nerve pressure. Good femoral pulse. BP and resps are normal. Just waiting for a saline drip and some much overdue morphine".

Robin didn't even look up at her acting commander and former army medic. "I get right on that Sir", she replied meekly, and started in on her own assessment. She was finally able to look her patient in the eye and say, "Hi, I'm Ranger Robin Kelly---".

Jenkins left Robin to check on the female patient. Temporarily relived, Izzy headed over to help Frank with the rescue gear. "I've never seen Robin freeze like that", he whispered to his friend.

Frank nodded, then shrugged. "I know, but considering---".

"Avila, you help Kelly with her patient", Grizzly barked out. Frank flashed Izzy a sympathetic smile before turning to move over to where the injured man was lying, when Jenkins grabbed his arm. "She okay?", he asked in reference to Robin.

Frank nodded again and came up with the lame excuse, "Yeah, just a bad breakfast or something".

Jenkins bought it and let the ranger go. "Okay Flowers, you're with me and the girl".

Frank carefully followed Robin's instructions to the letter, so they could get their injured party safely back up the side of the mountain, to the waiting chopper. Jenkins and Izzy, on the other hand, would be repelling the female with minor injuries, down to the next ridge where a waiting ambulance would take her to the hospital for treatment.

* * *

The rangers met up and the hospital for the return trip home. It wasn't necessarily a long trip, but the uncharacteristic silence made the time drag on. Usually after a mission, the team coped with their stress by blowing off some steam. Grizzly would often times regale the younger rangers with a tale or two from his tour in Vietnam with Jesse , or ones from his days working under the great Ranger Hawkes. Robin and Izzy might banter back and forth playfully; while Frank, the newly designated funny man, would throw in a few bad jokes he'd learned from Cutler.

Today was no such day.

Once home, Jenkins and Izzy walked a few paces ahead, while Robin helped Frank unload the equipment. "You did good today Robin", he offered with a proud smile.

"Thanks", she replied, letting out a nervous sigh. "I still think Grizzly's going to write me up though". He'd have to. There was no excuse for her behavior back there, emotions are not supposed to affect you on a mission, no matter what the situation. Even Matt would have written her up for it.

Matt.

They had barely even come into the view of the side window, and the rookie ranger came flying out the station. "What's got you all in a tizzy Monroe?", Grizzly asked, slightly amused by the young man's exuberant greeting. "If we've got another call, then you could have just relayed it over the radios---".

"No Sir, it's not that. In fact, the station has been very quiet today; all except for your transmissions of the rescue and um, the visitor we have inside".

They boy was nervous, that was certain. "Visitor?".

Clay nodded. "Um yes Sir. You see, there's a young gentleman here to see you. I mean the rangers Sir. He's been waiting over three hours now. I told him you were on a rescue and that I could give you a message, but he insisted on staying. And I have to warn you, he seems a little strange".

"Strange?", Jenkins asked next. _Couldn't be much stranger than the way you're acting right now Monroe_, he thought wryly, and moved forward toward the door.

Monroe fell in step behind him. "Yes. I mean yes Sir. He's been asking a lot of questions since he's been here, personal ones, especially about me". He paused when it was obvious that his commander wasn't paying him any attention and turned to his new teammates. "And he made himself right at home, fixing a sandwich, playing some pool, even sitting at the commander's desk. Almost as if he owned the place".

Izzy smiled when he walked through the door and saw the figure standing next to the fire place. "That's because he sort of does", the ranger informed Monroe. "Cody!".

"Cody, is that really you", Robin squealed, running up to the boy and pulling him into an embrace. "Oh my God, you've grown about a foot", she exclaimed as they broke apart.

Cody blushed slightly. "Naw, maybe a couple inches though".

"So you're Cody". It was a statement more than a question and it came from across the room.

"And you must be Ranger Jenkins. It's a pleasure Sir", Cody replied offering his hand to the older man. "My Dad's told me so much about you".

"And these guys have warned me about you", Grizzly teased playfully. "Damn boy. The last time I saw you, you were a toe-headed tyke clingin' to his Mommy's leg, and suckin' his thumb". Cody's cheeks turned fiery red. "But there's definitely no denying you're Jesse's boy. The resemblance is uncanny".

Recovering quickly from his bout of embarrassment, Cody puffed out his chest and smirked smugly. "Yeah, I got the all the ruggedly handsome genes". His eyes briefly fell to the frame on the mantle and the photo of a smiling Matt standing in the middle of the group of rangers. A group of rangers that were no more. He chose to remember this happy, full-of-life Matt; instead of the weak, broken Matt he'd left back in San Francisco. Humor helped in times like these. "And my brother is pretty like our Mom".

Cody's joke made everyone laugh, and almost instantly he felt better. "As I recall, you mother was a mighty fine lookin' woman", Grizzly said, his own eyes scanning over where Cody's had been a few minutes prior. "Lord knows what she ever saw in your father though", he added wittily.

This elicited another round of laughter from the majority of the group. Monroe however, was completely lost. "Well if you'll excuse me, I have a mountain of paperwork to wade through", Grizzly announced. He had every intention of giving Cody and the rangers some time to catch up. "You did manage to make a pot of coffee while I was gone, didn't you son?", he asked, escorting Monroe to the kitchen.

"I showed him how", Cody called out, earning him a wave of appreciation from Jenkins.

"So kid, what brings you back to our neck of the woods?". Frank was curious.

Cody shrugged. "I found out I only need four class credits to graduate after first semester, and thought it would be easier to head back here to do it, instead of transferring everything to San Francisco. Plus, Mom's been more lonely than usual since---". He didn't have to finish the sentence for everyone to know what he was trying to say.

"So, you're home for good?", Robin cut in.

"Yeah". He answered far too quickly and not all that enthusiastically. "I was wondering if you guys wouldn't mind keeping the horses and Ding for a little while longer though. My Mom's apartment doesn't allow pets, and I think he'll be happier here. I'll come by everyday to check on them---".

"Sure Cody, that's no problem", Izzy replied reassuringly.

"Thanks guys. Wow, it's great to be back home". It may have sounded genuine enough. Robin however, wasn't so convinced. She knew that there was no way Cody would ever willingly leave his father and brother in San Francisco. Something wasn't right.

"And there's one more thing", Cody added, his confidence only faltering slightly. He held out a brown envelope. "I need one of you to verify this, and send it out to headquarters".

Frank pulled on the papers inside the open envelope. "You wanna be a ranger?", he asked incredulously.

Cody nodded. "I can start training right after I turn seventeen, right? Well, that's next month, so---".

"But Cody that's just the age requirement for apprentice training. You still need a parent to sign off on it, since you're not eighteen yet", Robin cut in. "And there is no way your mother would let you to do this--".

But he had to do this. It was the only way to keep the Hawkes name alive in the High Mountain Rangers. "It's my decision", Cody argued defensively, but ended up sounding more like a spoiled toddler who didn't get his nap. He let out a calming sigh. "I'll get Dad to sign it then. I'm planning on going back down there on weekends, once I get settled here. It's only a four hour trip by car and Matt's birthday is in a few weeks---".

A grin spread across Robin's lips and she snapped her fingers once the idea popped into her head. "Hey, things should slow down by then. If Grizzly will give us a day or two off, maybe we can head out with you and surprise Matt for his birthday".

Cody frowned. "Sorry guys, but Matt's at is a private facility---".

"I thought you said it was part of the hospital", Frank interjected. Cody was making it sound like some maximum security prison.

"It is part of the hospital. Just where Matt's at, is private. Family only". He hated lying to his friends, but how was he supposed to tell them that Matt didn't want visitors or phone calls or get well wishes. That he didn't want to see or hear from anyone. Not even his own little brother.

Robin's smile faded. Something definitely wasn't right.

* * *

**_I feel the need to warn you that I have absolutely no knowledge of mountain climbing, nor do I know much about rescue procedures, ranger requirements, or Eagle Creek Canyon; aside from a quick web search on the latter. _**

**_And I know I've mentioned this before, but I am new to this area, and just learned how to disable the block for anonymous reviews. So if there is anyone out there who would like to leave a review but doesn't care to log in or doesn't have an account, you can do so now. Sorry for any inconvenience. I can be a little slow to catch on, sometimes. _**

**_Thanks for any and all reviews in advance._**

**_~Missy~_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

Dr. Denny silhouetted the doorway of the occupational therapy room, where she stood watching her patient struggle to move the wooden pegs from one end of the board to the other. Every time a peg slipped from his grasp onto the floor, a piece of her heart went with it.

"Now Doctor, I'm not going to have to report you for stalking your patients, am I?". The words came softly from behind, and the breath tickled the back of her neck. She shivered slightly as she turned around to face Jesse Hawkes, eye to eye.

Elizabeth gave a bashful smirk, but played along. "Mr. Hawkes, you should know better than to ask that". Jesse couldn't help but smile at her reply and gave a curtious nod. She tried not to focus on the flutter of intimidation he always managed to inflict upon her, and return her attention instead to the real reason for her presence. "I know it's a tad early, but I was here giving Matt his six month evaluation".

"And did he pass?", he asked teasingly.

"With flying colors", she retorted, just as playfully.

Jesse took purchase next to the good doctor and followed the path to where her gaze had been, only a few minutes ago. He blew out a heavy breath and shook his head in disbelief. "Six months already?". Dr. Denny could see a fresh wave of pain resurface in the older man; and without having children of her own, she could only imagine how difficult all of this must be for him.

Elizabeth's eyes remained on Jesse as he watched his boy work through the exercise. The stony expression he was wearing only allowed room for one small smile when the therapist uttered the encouragement, "Great job Matt. Let's try it again".

"He's doin' good, isn't he?".

Elizabeth was slightly surprised at his choice of words, but a smile of her own spread across her lips. "Yes he is". There was no denying that her patient had improved quite a bit since he'd been transferred to the inpatient rehabilitation wing of the hospital, only two and a half months ago. But progress was still painfully slow for Matt, who sometimes went days or even weeks, without much or any improvement at all. "Strength and fine motor skills are the hardest to recover. Retraining damaged nerves can be a tricky thing".

"But it'll happen, right?", Jesse prodded.

"That's what we're working toward", she answered confidently, but the frown that followed told a different story.

Jesse noticed the change in her expression and felt the need to ask, "How is he doing otherwise?".

Elizabeth took in a deep breath in preparation to get out everything she needed to say. "His legs still aren't responding, but given the extent of nerve damage Matt sustained, that not surprising". It was the look of steely determination that settled in Jesse's eyes that made it very clear that answer was not good enough for him. Dr. Denny realized it wasn't good enough for her either; or Matt. "That's not to say we're just closing the door on the subject. You see Mr. Hawkes--".

"It's Jesse, please". Enough was enough, they'd know each other far too long for this type of formality.

"Fine then. Jesse.", Dr. Denny quickly corrected herself, and proceeded. "Most purposeful recovery usually takes place within the first year of the injury. However, we have had patients that make great strides for years following an injury. There's still a chance, however slim. And I hope for Matt, that's the case".

"Me too", Jesse replied, matching the smile Elizabeth was giving him.

"Much of the sensation in Matt's arms and hands has returned, and we're optimistic the numbness in his fingertips, as well as the lingering weakness in his left arm and hand, will improve in time. Our main goal now is to work on regaining as much strength as possible. ", she added hopefully. It was obvious Jesse was carefully listening to every word.

"It's going to be a long road", he replied, also hopeful, but much more realistic.

"Yes it is". Dr. Denny nodded solemnly in agreement. "But Mr. Hawk---Jesse, that isn't my only concern. It seems as though Matt's recovery has hit a bit of a crossroads, and I'm very concerned about how he's doing psychologically". Jesse didn't look surprised in the least that she'd mentioned this. Maybe he was worried about it too. "After all that he's been through and is going through now, I think it would be wise if Matt started seeing Dr. Phillips, our staff psychologist. Maybe just once a week at first, more if he'd like to". Elizabeth hesitated for a moment, then looked Jesse straight in the eye, "Because to be honest Jesse, even the best therapy won't work unless Matt's mind is in it too".

"I agree with you doctor. I think that is a good idea for Matt to have someone he can talk to". A wily grin began to form at his lips; Jesse Hawkes was obviously up to something. "But I think there's something else we can do that might help Matt even more", he offered, giving a suggestive wink. "And I'm going to need your help to pull it off".

* * *

It was a Wednesday. Jesse knew Matt would be busy with therapy all day, so it was the perfect opportunity to put his plan into fruition.

He walked into the room later that afternoon to find Matt in his usual place; sitting with his back to the door, staring out the large picture window of his room. "Hello son".

"Hey Dad", Matt replied without even bothering to turn around, or look over his shoulder. He just continued to stare out the window. Jesse stepped around the bed, over to the chair opposite his son, and sat down. It was then Matt noticed the duffel bag and jacket his father had placed on his bed. "What's that for?", he asked curiously.

"Thought you could use a few days away from this place". Jesse watched as the wheels started turning in Matt's head. "Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, and you're mother and brother are expecting us for turkey dinner".

"I thought they were coming here", Matt challenged.

"Change of plans. We're going to them", Jesse retorted, slapping his knees as he stood up.

Matt looked incredulously up at his father. "Dad we you can't just break me out of here--- ".

"I'm not breaking you out, Matthew". Jesse tried to keep his grin at bay. "Dr. Denny's given her okay for a weekend pass. Said I just need to have you back here by Sunday at night".

A wave of anxiousness washed over Matt. He'd only been out on the occasional day pass, and never for more than a few hours at a time. Now, not only was his father talking about an actual road trip, but an overnight one to Tahoe. "Dad, we can't go to Mom's---". Matt drew a blank when trying to come up with a better excuse, so he used the obvious, "---she lives on the second floor".

Dr. Denny warned Jesse that this might happen; she was almost certain that Matt would be nervous about leaving the safety of the hospital for an extended period. Little did they know it went much, much deeper than that.

Jesse placed his hand on his sons shoulder and gave a quick, reassuring squeeze. "Relax son, it's all been taken care of. We're meeting your mother and brother somewhere more---comfortable". While that news did offer Matt some consolation he still had some reservations about going, but knew protesting would be futile. When Jesse Hawkes was determined to do something, there was no stopping him. So instead, Matt simply let his father help him into his jacket and lead him out the door.

"What the hell", Matt mumbled when Jesse stopped next to a new looking maroon van parked at the end of the hospital carport.

"You like it?", Jesse asked as he opened the side door to let the hydraulic lift down.

"Sure. It's nice". It was all Matt could come up with in his current state of shock. Then it occurred to him, "Wait, you bought this?".

Jesse chuckled softly. "I thought you might be getting tired of that same streetcar route".

"But how?".

The elder Hawkes gave a mild shrug as he climbed in after Matt was safely loaded. "I used some of the extra money from the rewards". Matt knew his father had been working vigilantly on quite a few bounty hunting cases over the past weeks since those responsible for injuring him and killing Hart and Cutler, were put behind bars. But he never thought the payouts had been as large as this. "I got a good deal too. This is a top-of-the-line model, but Merv at the dealership was able to give me a pretty hefty discount because they needed to make room for their next years inventory".

Jesse caught a hint of a smile working it's way across Matt's lips. "What?", he asked innocently, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked back into the rear view mirror at his son.

Matt shrugged and blew out a bewildered sigh. "I just can't imagine you driving a van".

Jesse could hear the mild amusement in Matt's voice, and that made him happy. "Well, it's only until your ready to take over", he added, leaving the words hanging there for a moment. "Merv also said it wouldn't take much to have this thing adapted so you can drive it".

"Really?". It came out as a mere whisper. Matt almost couldn't believe it; up until now, everything had been about hospitals, tests, therapy, and all the things that had been lost that day. He never thought it would be possible to regain any of those things.

Through the mirror, Jesse could see the change that notion brought about in Matt. He smiled as he turned the key in the ignition. "Really".

* * *

Matt dosed off about halfway through the ride, something Jesse was grateful for. He was hoping to at least get to the gravel road that led up to the building before that happened. Because if his boy were to wake up now, even in the dark of night, he'd definitely recognize his surroundings.

The pair of headlights that shone through the window, tipped the rangers off that unexpected guests had just arrived. Frank and Robin were first to the door.

Matt shifted to stretch out some of the kinks that had settled in his shoulders during the ride. Then the door was suddenly lowered and Matt was face to face with the people and place that had been haunting him for the past six and a half months.

"They're here", Frank could be heard shouting.

Robin was next. "Cody, I thought you said they wouldn't be here until tomorrow morning".

"That's what my Dad told me".

Dad.

In a surreal moment, they were all gathered around him. Everything was a blur. He vaguely remembered being lowered to the ground, then suddenly Cody was behind, pushing him. There was a ramp, new obviously, leading up the steps to the porch. Then they were inside and the brightness of the room made Matt squeeze his eyes shut. It was hard to keep track of the conversations, the voices were lapping over one another.

"I wish we'd known you were coming early. We would have made sure to finish the sign". Robin. She was obviously talking to his father. Matt opened his eyes to see a long banner hanging across the pool table, only half of the words painted in, Welcome home Matt.

Matt's chest began to tighten, he almost couldn't breath.

"Where's your mother?", he heard his father ask his brother.

"Working a double to get Friday off. She should be here by eleven". Even his mother was in on it.

"Hey Matt, you hungry after that long trip?". It was Izzy. Matt's mouth ran so dry, and he almost couldn't answer.

"Ah no thanks". He hoped it didn't come out rude, since it was almost impossible to hear his own voice with the loud ringing in his ears. "Hey Dad, can we get to the place we're staying at. I'm a little tired---".

"You're staying here", Cody cut in as if reminding his brother of "their" plans. He stepped back behind Matt and started to push him toward the back of the cabin. "We renovation that huge storage area into two bedrooms---".

Jesse paused his conversation with Grizzly to ask, "Where're you two going?".

"Matt's tired after the long ride. I thought I'd show him--".

Jesse let out a small chuckle. "Tired? You just slept for two hours".

Matt looked up, nearly glaring through Jesse. "I guess it wore me out", he sputtered, then took hold of the control of his electric wheelchair, and headed down the hall.

Alone.

* * *

**_I want to thank everyone who was kind enough to review the previous chapter(s). I really love reading what you have to say. The response to this story has been remarkable. My sincere apologies to all of those who I've "addicted", though. _**

**_Thanks. _**

**_~Missy~_**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Chapter 11_**

_Matt was sitting alone in the bedroom just staring at some nonexistent spot on the floor. He hadn't noticed the sound of nearing footfalls, until a soft snout nuzzled up against his right arm. "Hey Dingy", he called and reached out to pet the small face now nestled on his lap. "How've you been boy?". Ding let out a string of low whimpers and Matt nodded, "Yeah, me too"._

_The dog paused to look up at Matt, then suddenly dashed away. He whimpered again, and looked between the young man to his right and the bed to his left. "What is it boy?". Ding hopped up on the bed, only to come back down with a corner of the quilt between his teeth, and brought it over to Matt. "What's this for?", he asked, perplexed the pups odd behavior._

_"You're cold". _

_Matt looked up. It was Cody, he was standing in the doorway. "No I'm not". He'd been sitting there for over an hour already, still dressed in the jacket he didn't have the energy to remove. _

_Cody pushed off the door with his shoulder and walked into the room."I thought you might be needing this", he offered, dropping the large bag he was carrying, onto the bed next to an already opened small duffel. He stopped in between Matt and the bed. __"And I meant your legs are probably cold"._

_"Well I wouldn't exactly be able to tell if they were, would I?", Matt replied snappishly. _

_"But he can", Cody retorted, motioning over to Ding, who began nudging the blanket onto Matt's lap. The younger Hawkes crouched down next to his brother and lifted the left pant leg of his jeans to feel the cool skin underneath, and nodded."Ding can sense things like this". Cody finished tucking the blanket around Matt and slowly stood up. His brothers eyes were locked on his and they were questioning. After letting out a small sigh, Cody continued. "Ding did so good becoming a certified rescue dog, I thought he'd also made a great service dog. He's only been in training a little over a month, but there are a lot of things that he's already learned to help you---"._

_Matt looked away from his brother. Cody assumed he was shutting down again and stood to leave. "Why didn't you__ tell me Dad was going to do this Cody"._

_The words stopped Cody, and he turned back around to face Matt. "I thought you already knew. Dad made it seem like it was your idea; that you wanted it to be a surprise"._

_"Oh, it was a surprise alright", he spat incredulously._

_"I'm sorry Matt". It was heartfelt and sincere, but Matt's expression remained fiery. "I'm sorry Dad tricked you", Cody added, as he took a step forward. "But I'm not sorry you're here"._

_Matt slowly lifted his eyes to meet his brothers."Well I'm not staying". His tone made that perfectly clear. "I called for a medical transport. They'll be here tomorrow to pick me up"._

_"But tomorrow's Thanksgiving", Cody protested. _

_Matt ignored his brothers plea. "Cody, I can't do this right now. I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep". Wearily, he let his eyes fall closed._

_Cody's words could be heard, "Okay, I'll help you", but everything else began to darken and __swirl, big black and white swirls. Words became muffled and memories of the day before flashed in his head again. That morning at breakfast, therapy, the van, his Dad, seeing the team, Ding, Cody helping him into bed, the team again, his team---_

_He heard a distress call coming over the radio, but he couldn't answer it. Suddenly, he was falling. Falling. Hart. Cutler. Falling---_

Matt woke with a start. In his dream he bolted upright, but in reality he'd only managed to get his shoulders a few inches forward. With no trapeze bar over the bed that would allow him to pull himself up and no safety rails on the sides of the bed to aid with changing position, like he had at the rehabilitation facility; that helpless feeling of being blanketed in lead returned, and Matt let his head fall back onto the pillow.

* * *

"No Cody, I won't". Robin was resolute in her answer.

"But Robin you have to", he pleaded.

"NO".

"What are you two arguing about now?", Frank asked. He swore, these two were worse than an old married couple.

She took a frustrated stance, hands on hips and sighed. "Cody's trying to palm off his laundry duties. Again".

Frank smiled. "It's actually Monroe's turn, but he's on leave in Reno with his family for the holiday", Cody reasoned.

"So then it would go to the next newest member, and that would be you".

Cody shook his head. "No. Technically since I'm just a ranger apprentice in training, it would go to Jenkins".

"Cody he's been a ranger for over twenty years", Robin interjected.

"But not at this base". Damn that little shit was good. Always had an answer for everything.

Robin folded her arms over her chest in defiance. "Well I'm not asking him".

"Neither am I, 'cause personally that guy still scares me", Izzy whispered, jumping into the conversation with a thumb in Cody's direction, "but this one turns everything pink". Cody smirked. "C'mon Robin you have to---".

"CODY". Matt's hoarse voice coming from the other room, broke through the playfulness of the moment.

The grins worn by Frank and Izzy, faded and the glare Robin had been shooting at Cody, was replaced by a pair of sympathetic eyes. Cody hesitated for a moment until Robin forced a small smile his way."Go to him".

Being able to sleep in until mid-morning had done nothing for Matt. He looked terrible. His hair was soaked with sweat, his eyes had dark circles under them, and inspite of having the blankets pulled up to his chest, he was shivering. It was nothing new to Cody though. He'd been witness to the great many nightmares Matt suffered through. This was definitely a bad one."You okay?", he asked, helping his brother sit by propping the pillows up behind him.

"Yeah, thanks", Matt replied and took a drink from the glass of water Cody was offering him. He didn't want to talk about it, he just wanted to get the hell out of there. "I need to get ready to go".

"Go where?", Cody asked sarcastically as he pulled back the curtains on the window to reveal the heavy blanket of white falling outside. "The weather service is predicting over two feet of snow in some parts of the mountain by evening. It's started here early this morning and the roads are already covered. There's no way any kind of transport will be able to get through".

Matt shook his head in disbelief. Great, just great. Not only was he stranded, but he was trapped in the mountains without any of the things he had back in San Francisco that made life a little easier. He'd have to rely on the people here to help him, and that was not something he was looking forward to doing. "Dad still here?".

"In the kitchen", Cody replied. "He and Mom bunked in the room next door".

Matt really wasn't in the mood to see his father right now, but he didn't have much of a choice. If he wanted to bathe, then he'd need both Jesse and Cody's help to do it. With a sigh of resignation, he finally asked his brother, "Can you go get him?".

* * *

Matt was relieved to find the hub of the ranger station was empty when he finally decided to emerge from the room he was hiding out in, around noon. He would have stayed in there longer if the smell of his mothers turkey roasting hadn't made his stomach rumble. It seems as though Jackie must have heard that rumbling, since she appeared at the kitchen opening at the same time Matt did.

"Hey Sweetie. Happy Thanksgiving", she greeted with an affectionate kiss to Matt's cheek. She cupped his face with her hand and smiled at him. "I popped into your room late last night when I got in, but you were already asleep".

"Sorry", Matt replied sheepishly. Only the apology was because he was just pretending to be asleep at the time. He remembered the sound her high heels made on the wood floor, the feel of her sitting on the bed next to him, her warm hand caressing his hair. The soft loving words she spoke, that trailed off into stifled sobs just like they did every time she visited him. Yes, he remembered that clearly.

"I was just about to come get you. I kept your eggs warm, but gave you fresh toast and juice". Matt followed his mothers gaze to the large dining table across the room. Jackie bit on her lower lip as she watched her son slowly make his way over to the table. It was then that she caught her oversight, and rushed to pull the chair out from that space, so Matt could move in easily.

Matt looked from the plate in front of him, back up to his mother and managed an appreciative smile. "Thanks Mom".

Jackie flashed Matt one in return, then let her lips linger on the top of his head. It struck her then, how long it must have been since she last held her son like this. He'd grown taller than her even before he reached the seventh grade. Usually she had to stand on tip toes to wrap her arms around him, and that was only when she was able to catch him first. He was always on the move---

She'd let her mind wander for far too long, but reality was such a bitter pill to swallow. Jackie gave Matt another squeeze, "If you need anything Honey I'll be in the kitchen finishing the dishes". She could retreat to there for now, and hope that the sound of the running water would drown out the tears that were sure to follow.

Matt was trying to eat his meal, but the curious clanging and banging coming from down the hall, was making that difficult. He made the next bite his last and moved to go check it out.

He thought about turning back as soon as he saw the source of the noise, but there was something about watching Robin take her aggression out on the washing machine that made it impossible to leave; and before he knew it, the words were already out of his mouth. "Need a hand?", he asked just as she was getting ready to kick the appliance again.

She spun around in surprise. "Oh God Matt. I didn't hear you".

"How could you hear anything over all that swearing in Swedish?". It almost sounded like the old playful Matt. Almost.

"Sorry", Robin squeaked, turning crimson with embarrassment.

"Me too. I didn't mean to startle you", Matt offered sincerely.

"Don't be, it's just that I didn't hear you come--". Suddenly, she noticed the slight change in his appearance.

Matt saw where her gaze had fallen and he let his hand run over the wheel rim of the chair in question. "This one is much quieter than the other one".

"You have two?", she questioned, remembering that wasn't the wheelchair he was using when she saw him yesterday.

"For now I guess", he answered, somewhat distant and undeniably self conscious. "At least until my left arm gets strong enough for me to use this one full time".

"You'll get there". Robin's soft encouragement only made Matt look away. It was then that she realized her poor choice in words, and felt as though a distance far greater than the one from Tahoe to San Francisco, was wedging it's way between them. That is, until Matt spoke again.

"Which is why I can only offer you a hand".

Robin was stunned, if she hadn't know better she would've thought he was making a joke. This relaxed the mood and made her smile. "That'll be fine".

Matt took to unloading the dryer while Robin filled the washing machine. "It's just like a man to lump the towels into the laundry basket without separating them first", she teased playfully. "Some things never change".

He leaned back to glance up at her, "Everything changes Robin". The lost look in Matt's eyes made Robin want to cry. She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him everything would be alright, but---.

"High Mountain Ranger base, this is dispatch. Do you read me?".

Robin froze in her spot, she knew she needed to answer the radio, but she couldn't leave things with Matt this way. The call came in again, and it was clear he was expecting her to answer it. The job always came first with Matthew Hawkes, and this time was no different. "Dispatch, this is Ranger Kelly. Go ahead".

The rest of the team trickled in just as the dispatcher was giving the coordinates on the seven car pile up on sr89, and the fax machine was printing out a search call for three missing skiers. "Kelly, they're definitely going to need you out on that road. Flowers, Avila, go with her", Grizzly ordered.

"What about the other call Sir?", Izzy asked, on his way out the door.

Jenkins looked from his ranger, to the man that taught him everything he knew. "You up for a Thanksgiving search and rescue Hawkes?". Jesse glanced over to where Jackie was standing next to Matt. She gave him a small nod; it was obvious he was going to go whether she wanted him to or not. Grizzly turned to Cody and whispered, "Okay Ace, get geared up".

The boy came back minutes later dressed in a ranger uniform. The jacket, the one Jackie thought he wore to honor his big brother, turned out not to be Matt's old jacket, but Cody's. The name "Hawkes" was clearly printed on the breast, but there was no commanders crest next to it; only the codename "Ace". It wasn't hard to put two and two together.

Jackie's eyes were ablaze. "No Jesse. You can go and kill yourself out on that mountain, but you're not taking my baby with you. He can stay here and man the radio".

"Actually, I was hoping Matt could help us out with the radios", Grizzly suggested. "With half our team on another run, we're short on manpower and can use all the help we could get". He eyed the mother and son. Jackie looked like she was about to tear the man to shreds, while Matt had turned an unattractive shade of green.

Matt glanced up at his mother. "You don't have to worry about Cody Mom, Dad'll be there with him". Jackie knew Jesse would protect Cody with his life; but what if something happened to Jesse first. She gave Matt's shoulder a gentle caress. He was willing to put himself through this, so his brother could help find those people; the least she could do was give Cody the chance.

Not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes, Jackie pulled her youngest son to her chest. "You be careful up there", she pleaded, hugging him tight before releasing him into the care of his father. "We'll discuss this later". She warned, both Cody and Jesse.

* * *

Matt had some time to familiarize himself at the command center before the transmissions starting coming in. It wasn't as if the equipment or protocol had changed much since he'd been gone; it was just a really long time since he was the one on radio duty.

"Ranger base, this is Frostbite calling", Robin's voice came through the radio. She waited a few beats and when no one answered, tried again."Frostbite calling Ranger base. Is anyone there?".

"Yeah Frostbite, this is Flying Ti---um, Matt. Go ahead".

It was so good to hear that voice come over the radio again. And if the scene around them wasn't so chaotic, Robin might have actually had a chance to tell him that. "Matt. Great. Okay, we're first on scene and need authorization to extricate from an unstable vehicle. We have a rollover on the second turn of---".

"Robin don't, you need to wait for emergency services to help with the stablization".

"But the vehicle is leaking fuel and the engine is smoking. If it sparks--".

"Then you really should wait".

"--these people will die. If we act quick we might be able to neutralize the fuel with foam, and get them out safely. We just need the authorization".

Robin was right. It was dangerous, but it could be done; only Matt couldn't bring himself to do it. The last time he gave an order, two of his men died. He just couldn't have anymore blood on his hands.

"Matt, we need the authorization", Robin pressed anxiously, "Do we have the okay to proceed?".

Matt's heart began to race and his mouth ran dry. He could hear the explosion, see Cutler falling, then Hart---. He couldn't do it. "Contact your commander; channel three. Out".

* * *

**_I'm ending it here even though I wanted to include a little more drama; because really, what's Thanksgiving without some dinnertime angst? Don't worry though, I'll be including it in the next chapter. I'm not finished torturing Matt with his dreams yet. _**

**_Bettina, I want to apologize since I'm pretty sure you won't be getting this update until sometime Friday, over there in Gremany. I'll try to be quicker, next time._**

**_Thanks for all those great reviews you guys!_**

**_~Missy~_**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

"Let it go Jac".

"Is that your answer for everything, let it go?", she snapped back. "Well I can't let this go Jesse, and you know that".

Their voices became softer as they continued down the hall, and the issue of Cody's apprenticeship with the rangers was temporarily put on the back burner. "You should really go talk to him", Jackie whispered as she glanced at the closed door adjacent to theirs.

"Cody said he was already asleep".

"But he's hurting Jess", she pressed pleadingly.

Jesse nodded and wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder. "Don't you think I know he's hurting Jackie? I'm the one who's spent every single day with him at that hospital since this happened. I'm the one who talks to the doctors and oversees his care---".

Jackie took offense to those words and turned away. Jesse was upset that was obvious, but he shouldn't have taken it out on her. She'd been there a great deal for Matt too, just not in the same capacity as him. There was an apologetic look in his eyes as he lifted her chin to his and brushed away her tears. "I'll talk to him in the morning".

"Promise?".

Jesse smiled and nodded, "I promise".

Matt could hear his parents from the hallway. Lying in bed, the dull ache in his head had intensified to a constant throb. He glanced over at the nightstand to the left of the bed, and the collection of medications sitting there. He knew exactly which bottle they were in and how many were needed to get the job done.

Matt didn't know how much time he had before Cody would be turning in for the night, so he'd have to be quick. He crossed his stronger right arm over his body, hoping that if he were able to grab onto the corner of the table, it would help him twist enough to reach the bottle. But instead, his still slightly clumsy fingers slipped from their hold and sent the bottles scattering like bowling pins; and the tiny red capsules he needed, onto the floor. He watched a single pill roll quickly along the table top. Two would be ideal, one would help though. He moved for it, but again his body fell short to what his brain was telling it to do; and the pill joined the others on the floor.

Matt's fist slammed angrily down onto the mattress. All he wanted to do was sleep, but now he'd have to wait for it to claim him naturally. It never came easily though, and soon his mind drifted off to the events of that evening.....

_The rangers returned cold, wet, tired, and after one sniff of the aromatic air; very hungry. Matt could see them stumble into the station from his place in front of the windows near the large dinning table._

_"--- and Robin goes and crawls through the passenger side window to pull the lady out". Izzy's voice was the first to be heard._

_Jenkins patted her on the shoulder as he passed. "You should be very proud of your work Ranger Kelly"._

_"And I thought Ding was impressive, running through snow that was nearly up to his neck". Considering the almost brother and sister relationship he and Robin had, that was definitely a compliment coming from Cody; complete with a smirk and a wink._

_"No way Ace, your Dad said you were the impressive one", Frank interjected, lightly ruffling Cody's hair._

_Jesse stepped next to his son and clapped him on the back. "That's right son, you were great out there. Knew exactly where to look for those skiers"._

_Jackie softly cleared her throat from the doorway of the kitchen; talking shop could wait. "I'll put dinner out on the table. Hopefully the turkey didn't dry out too much", she announced, giving Jesse a pointed look to come and help her. Cody followed suit while the other rangers joined a quiet Matt in the dinning room._

_"Hey son, how'd it feel to be back in the drivers seat?", Jesse acknowledged his oldest, as he strode in carrying the turkey._

_Matt focused on the the platter being placed in the center of the table. He wasn't about to give his father the satisfaction of eye contact just yet. "Is that why you did this?", he asked low and soft._

_Time seemed to have stopped as anxious eyes swept around the table. The room was completely silent except for the sound of serving dishes being sent around the table. Jackie swallowed hard and continued spoon some mashed potatoes onto a plate. "Mom, I can do that myself", Matt protested quietly when she began to cut the slice of turkey she'd put down next._

_"Of course", Jackie smiled apologetically and left him to it; but intercepted the bowl being passed from Cody. "Candied yams?", she offered him next._

_Matt gave an indifferent shrug. "Sure". _

_She was hovering. Again. He wanted to tell to take her seat, that he'd be fine on his own. Lord knows he'd been working on these types of situations enough in occupational therapy; activities of daily living skills were the number one priority. She must have picked up on his agitation because the next thing Matt knew, his mother was seated next to his father, and Cody was passing the tray of bread to him._

_"Everything looks delicious Mrs. Hawkes", Izzy said as he continued to load his plate._

_"It sure does", Robin concurred. "I'm just sorry I wasn't here to help you with some of the cooking Jackie"._

_Jackie blushed slightly from all of the compliments. "Well thank you both". She looked past Izzy at the young lady she knew secretly held her oldest sons heart. "And Robin, I'd love for you to join me in the kitchen some time"._

_"Ah no you wouldn't Mrs. Hawkes. Robin burns water.", Frank jumped in teasingly. That earned him a jab to the ribs from Robin and chuckle from the others around the table. _

_Jackie caught Matt just sitting there, starring at his plate. She noticed he hadn't added anything to what she'd already put on it. "Sweetie, did you want some green beans or corn?", she asked softly, from her place directly across the table from him._

_Matt was sluggishly pulled from his thoughts. "Um, no thanks"._

_Jackie was quiet but persistent though. "You should really eat some vegetables Honey"._

_"Mom", Matt groaned, shooting her a warning look to go with the tone of his voice._

_Jesse could feel the tension and quickly switched gears. "Let's say grace then. Jenkins, would you like the honors?"._

_"What, an old heathen like me?", he joked incredulously. "Naw Jess, you go ahead"._

_Jesse waited for everyone to bow there heads before he started. "Lord. Today we not only give thanks for the food we are about to receive; but for all the other graces you've bestowed upon us this past year". There was a thickening air about the room, but he continued anyway. "While tragedy abounded earlier this year, we are especially grateful to have Matt back here with us, and---"_

_"Dad stop". Matt cut in, pleadingly. _

_"Stop what Honey?", Jackie asked gently. _

_"Stop pretending that me being alive is somehow more important than Hart and Cutler being dead"._

_Jesse bristled. "Now Matthew, that's not what I was saying"._

_"C'mon Buddy, don't talk like that", Izzy urged._

_"That wasn't your fault, man"._

_Those words bit into Matt. "Wasn't it?", he asked incredulously, turning to his friend. _

_"Matt, don't do this to yourself", Robin begged softly._

_He ignored the pleas of the others. "You were there Frank. Who gave the jump order? Who told Cutler to take the point?"._

_Frank let out a heavy sigh. "Matt"._

_"Who gave the order Frank?"._

_"You did"._

_"And who was the last to jump?"._

_"You were", Frank answered again._

_"But son, the one in charge is almost always the one to bring up the rear"._

_"Your father is right Matt. If you were the one who'd taken the point and tripped that wire, the chain of command would have broken"._

_"It was broken anyway Robin", Matt yelled bitterly as he pushed back from the table. His place as commander was surely shattered along with his team that day. _

_"Matt", Jesse called out to his retreating son. "Matthew"._

What Matt didn't see was Jackie and Robin wiping their tears away, Izzy and Frank sharing a saddened glance, a disheartened Cody sitting back in his seat, fixated on the flame of a burning candle; or his father clearing his throat before he sat back down to give the murmured command, "Let's just eat".

* * *

He must have dosed off sometime after midnight, because the next thing Matt knew, it was almost five in the morning. He looked from the clock on the bedside table to the sleeping form of Cody on a cot in the corner of the room, and sighed.

Matt tried to relax enough to fall back to sleep, but he couldn't. The closing images of his dream, the ones that always contained the last few minutes of Hart and Cutler alive, were still fresh in his mind. Not wanting to wake his brother or anyone else, he thought he try out this new training Cody talked about, and quietly enlist the help of Ding in helping him out of bed. After some serious pulling and nudging on the dogs part, and a steadfast determination not to fall flat on his face, Matt was in the chair and on his way out to the hall.

Cody finally let his eyes fully open once Matt had left the room. He turned onto his back, looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

The command center was pitch black, except for the light coming from the crackling fireplace at the other end of the room. He moved slowly, trying not to bump into anything or make any other noise.

"Couldn't sleep either?". Matt could see his father silhouetting the doorway, and shook his head no. Wordlessly, Jesse walked back into the kitchen and flipped the light on. "Where's your brother?".

"Still sleeping", Matt answered, stopping just short of the entry. Jesse turned to look at him, his gaze questioning. Matt glanced down at the loyal companion seated at his side and patted his head. "I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks".

"He's not that old", Jesse disagreed, letting out a soft chuckle. "But as for new tricks, Cody told me that daredevil jumped into Lake Jennifer and pulled a guy out with his teeth".

"I wouldn't doubt it", Matt replied, giving the dog another gentle scratch behind the ears before looking back up at his father.

"You want one?", Jesse asked as he finished what he was doing on kitchens island worktop.

"What is it?", Matt asked, stretching his neck to have a better look.

"Breakfast". Jesse grinned at the skeptical look Matt was giving him. "Cold turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce".

There was a hint of a smile forming on Matt's lips as he answered, "Why not".

"Coffee?".

"Sure".

Jesse followed Matt into the living room. "Cream and sugar, just like your mother", he teased as he placed the tray he was carrying onto the coffee table.

Matt raised a brow. "I have to, the way you make coffee", he countered playfully.

Jesse feigned offense, but actually he was thrilled that Matt was responding so easily. He took a long sip from his mug as he watched his son out of the corner of his eye. "You need me to cut that?", he asked when he noticed Matt's hand hovering over the plate.

"No thanks". Matt leaned back and let his hand fall into his lap. As hungry as he was, since the last thing he remembered eating was that plate of eggs his mother made him yesterday afternoon, he needed to get this off of his chest first. "Listen Dad, I'm sorry about last night. It's just being back here---", Matt's voice trailed as he struggled to find the words. He stared out into the fire, the burden of anguish he carried, clearly visible in his features. "I still dream about them every night; Hart and Cutler". There was a heavy sigh from Matt, "Dad, I can't stop thinking about them. Every time I close my eyes there they are, dying; over and over".

Jesse stepped behind Matt and reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Son believe me, there isn't a soldier alive who doesn't carry the souls of his friends that didn't make it".

"But how do they do it?", Matt implored. "How do they get over the pain of remembering?".

"We don't", Jesse answered simply. "We just do the best we can, day after day, hour by hour".

It hit Matt then. How could he have been so stupid? "You too", he managed to get the words out with his breath, before his emotions got the best of him.

"Yes son, me too". He nodded and wrapped his arms around Matt, holding tight while his brave young man finally let it all out.

Jesse sat patiently, making sure Matt finished his sandwich before he spoke again. "Will you be okay here for a little while longer?", he asked gently as he began cleaning off the table. "I was going to take your mom into town, they called her into work this morning".

Matt nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine". It was obvious by the lack of eye contact, that he was still embarrassed by his earlier display of emotions.

"If you still want to head back to San Francisco today, we can leave as soon as I get back---"

"It doesn't matter", Matt cut in diffidently. "I was just going to go back to bed now anyway".

"Need a hand?".

"Sure". Matt was so completely drained, he figured even Ding the Super Dog would have a hard time helping him. "Hey Dad", he called out softly, his eyes flickering up to meet his fathers. "Thanks----for everything".

* * *

"This is the last place I thought I'd find you", Cody teased as he walked through the doorway.

"That was kind of the point", Matt replied, coming off more sarcastic than he intended.

Cody slowly paced around the room to the row of large lockers Matt was sitting in front of. "I hope you don't mind, but I took Hart's and Grizzly took Cutler's. Monroe got the one with the broken lock".

"Why would I mind?", Matt snipped back.

Cody ignored his brothers attitude and continued. "We had to clear their things out anyway. Hart's mother wanted him buried in his uniform".

"Why didn't you clear mine out?", Matt demanded as he looked at the still full locker in front of him.

"Because your not dead", Cody retorted. He was getting angry now.

"Not all of me, I guess", Matt bristled, looking down at his lap. Cody glared at his brother before turning away from him. "C'mon Cody, it's not like I'm ever coming back". It wasn't as though he intended to hurt his brother, but Matt was just trying to be realistic. "Cody?".

"What?"

"Cody c'mon, I'm sorry. Please look at me", Matt pleaded. Cody hesitantly glanced over at his brother. "Dad's taking me back to San Francisco today and I don't want to leave with you still mad at me".

"I thought you were staying 'til Sunday".

Matt let out a heavy sigh and ignored the previous statement. "And I need you to do something for me before I leave".

"Why should I?", Cody asked folding his arms across his chest defiantly. God it reminded Matt of when he had to go back to Tahoe after spending the summer in the mountains with Cody and his dad when he was a boy. And it was just as infuriating now.

"Cody, I need to go and say goodbye to Hart and Cutler before I leave". The words were heart-wrenching and soft. His eyes drifted off distantly.

"Go to where they're buried?", Cody asked skeptically. That was going to be a problem since Hart's family took his body back east to be buried and Cutler was cremated and his ashes spread over the mountains.

"No, go back to where they died".

"Are you crazy Matt?".

"Cody please".

Cody shook his head in disbelief. "That's like an hour and a half trip by car and Dad has the van---".

"We could take the truck", Matt suggested.

"So what, now your trying to get me fired before I even become a ranger?".

"The team is out all day with the ski patrol, and Dad always gets stuck there when he goes into town, so he won't be back for a few hours. No one will ever know". He was desperate and Cody could see that.

"Okay, but you're not going out in the snow dressed like that". Cody took one look at the thin tube socks and loaffer type slippers on Matt's feet and replaced them with heavy wool socks and his old snow boots; then helped his brother into his white ranger jacket and gloves.

"Thanks Cody", Matt's reply was heartfelt and sincere.

"You owe me big time for this, brother", Cody warned, fully intent on collecting his dues.

Matt nodded and followed Cody out. "Hey Monroe", the younger Hawkes called as he scooped up a set of keys off the desk, "I'm going to gas the truck".

* * *

Matt was quiet the entire ride there. Cody didn't know what to say to his brother, so he just let the radio play in place of conversation.

The place looked the same, only now some of the leaves had changed, and the ground was covered with a light dusting of snow. "I'll give you a few minutes", Cody told Matt as he slid from the drivers seat.

"I want to get out".

"Matt", Cody groaned.

"Please Cody". He really wasn't in the mood beg.

Cody relented and went to get Matt's chair from the back of the truck. He helped his brother into it, then placed a blanket over his legs. "Dad's already going to be furious with me for bringing you here, but he'd kill me if you got frostbite".

Matt almost managed a smile as Cody pushed him up the slight incline to the site. "Cutler landed there, in that bush", Matt said after a few minutes of surveying the land. He pointed to a patch of grass to his right. "Hart was here, and I was over there". There was a slight pause as he took in a breath. "I remember hearing Hart. He was gurgling, like he was choking on something, probably blood. I tried to get to him. I was able lift my head a little, but that was it. My left arm fell to my side, and that's when I realized I couldn't feel it. I blacked out after that".

Cody was trying hard to fight back the tears. Matt never talked about the incident; he didn't think his brother remembered anything from that day. "I really tried to help him", Matt repeated.

"You couldn't move Matt", Cody reminded him.

"But I tried", he whispered, his eyes shinning with fresh tears.

Cody swallowed hard and put his hand on Matt's shoulder for comfort. "Yeah, you tried".

The brothers stayed like that for a few minutes, until the wind started to pick up and Cody suggested they go. "I just want to see it first".

"Matt, it's just a stupid pile of ruble now", Cody noted.

"A stupid pile of ruble that killed my friends", Matt countered angrily.

So Cody pushed Matt as close as he could get. He walked a little farther ahead and picked up an old timber. "See, there's nothing here but---".

It was a sickening crunch. Matt turned his head just in time to see his brother being swallowed up by the earth. "CODY".

Matt looked around, there was no where for him to go. The strewn ruble in front of him made it impossible to get any closer as slope behind him cut him off from getting to the truck to radio for help. "Cody", he called out desperately. "Cody?".

"Y--Ow. Yeah".

Matt blew out a sigh of relief, his baby brother was alive. "Are you okay?".

"What the hell do you think Matt?", he shouted. Yeah, he was okay.

"What happened?", Matt asked.

"I fell genius", Cody retorted.

"Into what?".

Cody looked around. "I don't know, it looks like an old storm shelter".

"Okay, can you get out?", Matt asked next.

"Yeah, if I had super powers", Cody replied sarcastically, the pain was starting to get to him. "Matt, there's something wrong with my knee, and I think my arm is broken".

"Shit". Matt tried to come up with a plan. "Cody hang tight, I'm---".

"What?".

"I said hang---hush Dingy, I can't---", Matt's words were replaced with a smirk. Dingy. Matt patted his thigh and the dog obediently came to him. "Hey Cody, what's Dingy's command for rescue?".

"Ah, rescue", was Cody's smart-aleck reply.

Matt gave the command and watched in awe as the dog retrieved the large bag of equipment from the back of the truck, and dragged it all the way over to where he was sitting. "Good boy".

Matt pulled his gloves off with his teeth and reached for the zipper. His fingers fumbled slightly, probably from nerves. Ding must have sensed Matt was having trouble and opened the bag for him. And for that, he earned another appreciative smile and pat on the head. Matt pulled out the first aid kit. "Cody, Dingy's going to toss the first aid kit. Can you wrap your knee and splint your arm?".

"Yeah, I think so".

"Good, I'm gonna call for help". Matt found the radio next. "Ranger base, this is Matt Hawkes calling---".

"Matthew, where the hell are you and your brother?".

"Dad".

"I've been waiting hours for---".

"How did you even know we were gone?", Matt asked.

Jesse cleared his throat. He was really mad. "Ranger Monroe here had enough sense to call me when Cody didn't return from getting the truck gased".

"Sorry Dad".

"Just tell me where you are Matt".

Matt let out a heavy sigh. "At the explosion site". When a reply didn't come, Matt went on. "Cody was doing me a favor--"

"Just come home Matthew", Jesse ordered.

"We can't, Cody fell into a shaft, probably a old storm shelter".

"Is he okay?".

"Yeah, but he's stuck down there. He hurt his knee and I think his arm is broken".

"Fuck". That was never good. "Matt there's another storm coming that way, you have to get to some kind of shelter".

"And how should I do that Dad?", Matt asked urgently. What was he supposed to do, toss himself down into that hole with his brother?

"You're going to need to pull him out of there, so he can help you back into the truck", Jesse instructed.

"I can't Dad, you know that. My grip strength---".

"Is fine Matthew", Jesse cut in encouragingly. Okay so maybe it wasn't as good as he was letting on, but Matt was their only chance. "Do you have a rescue line?".

Matt pulled it right out of the bag. "Yeah, it's right here, but there's no where to secure it".

Robin's tender voice came over the radio. "Matt, where are you exactly?".

"Right in front of the debris", he replied and Robin could hear the anxiousness in his voice.

"There should be a tree near you, to your right I think".

Matt looked over his right shoulder. "Robin that tree is at least twenty feet away and on a slope. There's no way I can get to it".

"You've got Ding with you right?", she asked next.

"Yes".

"Good, give him the end of the rope, he'll know what to do". He did what she instructed and soon, Ding was back with free end. "Now, you've got a harness--".

"Yeah, but I can't get it fastened", Matt interjected. He knew he'd have trouble with the fasteners on his best day, but with the cold and stiffness that settled into his already clumsy fingers, there was no way. "Wait, I have an idea". And then the radio went dead.

"Matt it's Robin, are you still there?", she called into the receiver, but there was no response. "Do you read me Matt?".

"Dammit Matthew", Jesse grumbled, slamming his hand hard on the desk top.

"We need to get to them", Izzy muttered.

Just then, Frank rushed in. "I've got the bird fired up, but we have to leave right now if we want to try to beat this storm".

Matt heard the calls coming through the radio, but he couldn't answer them and do what he needed to do to help his brother. He and Ding worked together to lay the blanket from Matt's lap, to the pile of boards below. Matt put the harness on top of that while Ding nudged the rope through.

"Matt, what's going on up there?", Cody asked anxiously.

"Just hold on Cody. Dad and the rangers are on their way", he called back.

Matt turned to the dog waiting patiently for his next command,"Okay Dingy, you're up". Gingerly, the animal helped him onto the blanket, where the former ranger was hoping the weight of his body would hold the harness in place. He knew his left side was much weaker, so Matt wound the rope around the length of his arm before taking it into his hand. Ding carried the other end of the rope over to the hole and dropped it down to Cody.

"Okay little brother, I'm going to need your help with this", Matt shouted from where he laid on the ground.

"What are you doing?", Cody asked his brother incredulously.

"I'm saving your ass".

* * *

Matt found himself in a familiar situation; starring out of a hospital window. He glanced down at his hands. They were covered in rope burns and they hurt like hell; but it felt great.

A familiar sound caught his attention and he turned toward the door. He smiled, a genuine smile. "What'd the doc say?".

"Knee's just badly sprained, but this is definitely broken", Cody answered holding up his casted left arm.

"Sorry", Matt offered apologetically.

Cody shrugged it off. "What about you, what did your doctor say?".

"Just some rope burns, and a slight case of exposure to my hands", Matt replied indifferently. It really didn't matter, as long as Cody was okay. "Nothing that wont heal".

"Ya know Matt, I should be the one who's sorry", Cody expressed regretfully.

"No Cody it was my fault, if I didn't make you take me---".

"You couldn't make me do anything", the boy argued arrogantly. Cody then looked down at the contraption he was sitting in, "I mean because I stole your chair".

Matt actually chuckled. "That's okay, it looks like you need it more than I do". The laugh sounded almost foreign, it had been so long since anyone had heard it; Matt included. He glanced down at his newer set of wheels and added, "I think I've officially graduated from that one anyway".

Cody shared his brothers victory, however small. There was a short pause before he added, "I've missed you Matt".

Matt figured Cody wasn't just talking about having him there physically. His smile widened as he playfully punched his brother on the shoulder. "Yeah Toad, me too".

And with the use of that one simple word Cody felt Matt had returned. His brother was finally back.

* * *

**_Well, this is the end of the story. I'm so happy to have made some new friends through reviews and private messages, this was a truly wonderful experience. Thank you all._**

**_~Missy~_**


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